particular sort of happiness is the foundation of virtue, it is found
that in discussing family life we never speak of actual adults or actual
children, or of realities of any sort, but always of ideals such as
The Home, a Mother's Influence, a Father's Care, Filial Piety, Duty,
Affection, Family Life, etc. etc., which are no doubt very comforting
phrases, but which beg the question of what a home and a mother's
influence and a father's care and so forth really come to in practice.
How many hours a week of the time when his children are out of bed does
the ordinary bread-winning father spend in the company of his children
or even in the same building with them? The home may be a thieves'
kitchen, the mother a procuress, the father a violent drunkard; or the
mother and father may be fashionable people who see their children three
or four times a year during the holidays, and then not oftener than
they can help, living meanwhile in daily and intimate contact with their
valets and lady's-maids, whose influence and care are often dominant in
the household. Affection, as distinguished from simple kindliness, may
or may not exist: when it does it either depends on qualities in the
parties that would produce it equally if they were of no kin to one
another, or it is a more or less morbid survival of the nursing passion;
for affection between adults (if they are really adult in mind and not
merely grown-up children) and creatures so relatively selfish and cruel
as children necessarily are without knowing it or meaning it, cannot be
called natural: in fact the evidence shews that it is easier to love the
company of a dog than of a commonplace child between the ages of six and
the beginnings of controlled maturity; for women who cannot bear to be
separated from their pet dogs send their children to boarding schools
cheerfully. They may say and even believe that in allowing their
children to leave home they are sacrificing themselves for their
children's good; but there are very few pet dogs who would not be
the better for a month or two spent elsewhere than in a lady's lap or
roasting on a drawingroom hearthrug. Besides, to allege that children
are better continually away from home is to give up the whole popular
sentimental theory of the family; yet the dogs are kept and the children
are banished.
Child Fanciers
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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