"It is not nonsense. I shall never care for anything again in life, now
they have put me here. It was Chattaway's doing; you know it was, Nora.
My mother never would have thought of it. When I remember that my father
would have objected to this for me just as strongly as I object to it
myself, I can hardly _bear_ my thoughts. I think how he will grieve, if
he can see what goes on in this world. You know he said something about
that when he was dying--the dead retaining their consciousness of what
is passing here."
"Have you objected to be bound?"
"I have not objected. I don't mean to object. My father charged me to
obey Mrs. Ryle, and not cross her--and I won't forget that; therefore I
shall remain, and do my duty to the very best of my power. But it was a
cruel thing to put me to it. Chattaway has some motive for getting me
off the farm; there's no doubt about it. I shall stay if--if----"
"Why do you hesitate?" asked Nora.
"Well, there are moments," he answered, "when a fear comes over me
whether I _can_ bear and stay on. You see, Nora, it is Chattaway and my
mother's will balancing against all the hopes and prospects of my life.
I know that my father charged me to obey my mother; but, on the other
hand, I know that if he were alive he would be pained to see me here;
would be the first to take me away. When these thoughts come forcibly
upon me, I doubt whether I can remain."
"You must not encourage them," said Nora.
"I don't encourage them; they come in spite of me. The fear comes; it is
always coming. Don't say anything at home, Nora. I have made up my mind
to stop, and I'll try hard to do it. As soon as I am out of my time I'll
go off to India, or somewhere, and forget the old life in the new one."
"My goodness!" uttered Nora. But having no good arguments at hand, she
thought it as well to leave him, and took her departure.
The day arrived on which George was to be bound. It was a gloomy
November day, and the tall chimneys of Barmester rose dark and dismal
against the outlines of the grey sky. The previous night had been
hopelessly wet, and the mud in the streets was ankle-deep. People who
had no urgent occasion to be abroad, drew closer to their comfortable
fire-sides, and wished the dreary month of November was over.
George stood at the door of the shop, having snatched a moment to come
to it. A slender, handsome boy, with his earnest eyes and dark chestnut
hair, looking far too gentlemanly to belong to that place. Belong to it!
Ere the stroke of another hour should have been told on the dial of the
church clock of Barmester, he would be irrevocably bound to it--have
become as much a part and parcel of it as the silks displayed in its
windows, the shawls exhibited in their gay and gaudy colours. As he
stood there, he was feeling that no fate on earth was ever so hopelessly
dark as his: feeling that he had no friend either in earth or heaven.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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