Trimblerigg : $b A book of revelationHousman, Laurence
Religion
Trimblerigg : $b A book of revelation
Housman, Laurence
Clergy -- Fiction; Romans à clef; Satire
It is likely enough--since moral emblems have their contrary
effect--that the impregnable barrier set up by Davidina was responsible
for the thing becoming so much a vogue in other quarters; and Lizzie
Seebohm, the prettiest small wench of the village, in pure derision of
Davidina’s aloofness, and under her very eyes, made open sale of her
kisses at a price which, starting from chocolates, rose to a penny and
thence to twopence.
For this amiable weakness she got from Davidina the nickname of
‘Tuppenny,’ and in view of the feud which thence arose, Mr. Trimblerigg
was instinctively advised of danger to his peace of mind if he put
himself on Tuppenny’s list. And so it came about that, whatever his
natural inclinations in the matter, he saved his pocket-money and did
not apply for her favours.
In this Lizzie Seebohm saw the influence of Davidina; for which reason
and sheer spitefulness, Mr. Trimblerigg became her quarry.
So one day a communication reached him, artfully told by the small
maiden commissioned thereto as a breach of confidence. She had heard
Lizzie say that Jonathan might have a kiss of her not merely for
nothing; she would give twopence to get it. A sense that he was really
attractive made him fail to see deep enough, and when the offer rose to
sixpence he succumbed.
Within an hour--Lizzie Seebohm had seen to it--Davidina got the news.
Her wrath and sense of humiliation were deep; in the great battle
of life which lay ahead for the possession of her brother’s soul,
she had lost a point, and that to an opponent whom she regarded as
insignificant. It was not a case for silence. Davidina descended upon
him before the sixpence in his pocket had had time to get warm. ‘You’ve
been kissing Tuppenny!’ she cried.
‘Who says?’ he demanded, scared at discovery so swift. Then, bettering
his defence: ‘Tuppenny, indeed! she’s not worth it. I haven’t given her
tuppence; I haven’t given her a penny. I haven’t given her anything, so
there! If she says I have, she’s a liar.’
This seemed almost conclusive; Davidina’s faith in the report wavered.
But whenever Jonathan was voluble she distrusted him; so now.
‘It isn’t her word I’m going by,’ she said. ‘Somebody saw you.’
Mr. Trimblerigg’s mind made an alert movement--very characteristic. He
was not ashamed of what he had done; he only didn’t like being caught.
‘You said Tuppenny,’ he retorted. ‘And I say--I didn’t give her
tuppence.’
Davidina pressed him along the track, as he meant her to. ‘Then what
did you give her?’
‘I didn’t give her anything; I’ve told you so already. She gave me
sixpence.’
His tone was triumphant, for now, in his own time and in his own way,
he had made a clean breast of it. Davidina’s face was a study.
‘Sold again!’ he said, watching the effect; and curiously he did not
mean himself, or his virtue, or anything else belonging to him; he
meant Davidina. Having got ahead of her with the facts, he considered
himself top-dog for that once at least.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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