True Manliness: From the Writings of Thomas HughesHughes, Thomas
Religion
True Manliness: From the Writings of Thomas Hughes
Hughes, Thomas
Conduct of life
Poor Tom! the first and bitterest feeling which was likely to break his
heart was the sense of his own cowardice. The vice of all others which
he loathed was brought in and burned in on his own soul. He had lied to
his mother, to his conscience, to his God. How could he bear it? And
then the poor little weak boy, whom he had pitied and almost scorned
for his weakness, had done that which he, braggart as he was, dared not
do. The first dawn of comfort came to him in swearing to himself that
he would stand by that boy through thick and thin, and cheer him, and
help him, and bear his burdens, for the good deed done that night. Then
he resolved to write home next day and tell his mother all, and what
a coward her son had been. And then peace came to him, as he resolved
lastly, to bear his testimony next morning. The morning would be harder
than the night to begin with, but he felt that he could not afford to
let one chance slip. Several times he faltered, for the devil showed
him first all his old friends calling him “Saint” and “Square-toes,”
and a dozen hard names, and whispered to him that his motives would be
misunderstood, and he would only be misunderstood, and he would only be
left alone with the new boy; whereas it was his duty to keep all means
of influence, that he might do good to the largest number. And then
came the more subtle temptation, “Shall I not be showing myself braver
than others by doing this? Have I any right to begin it now? Ought I
not rather to pray in my own study, letting other boys know that I do
so, and trying to lead them to it, while in public at least I should go
on as I have done?” However, his good angel was too strong that night,
and he turned on his side and slept, tired of trying to reason, but
resolved to follow the impulse which had been so strong, and in which
he had found peace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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