MARIA.
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
FABIAN.
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA.
The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY.
Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in
the belief that he’s mad. We may carry it thus for our pleasure, and
his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to
have mercy on him, at which time we will bring the device to the bar,
and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see!
Enter Sir Andrew.
FABIAN.
More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW.
Here’s the challenge, read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper
in’t.
FABIAN.
Is’t so saucy?
SIR ANDREW.
Ay, is’t, I warrant him. Do but read.
SIR TOBY.
Give me. [_Reads._] _Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy
fellow._
FABIAN.
Good, and valiant.
SIR TOBY.
_Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I
will show thee no reason for’t._
FABIAN.
A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY.
_Thou comest to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly:
but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee
for._
FABIAN.
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense—less.
SIR TOBY.
_I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me—_
FABIAN.
Good.
SIR TOBY.
_Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain._
FABIAN.
Still you keep o’ th’ windy side of the law. Good.
SIR TOBY.
_Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have
mercy upon mine, but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
Andrew Aguecheek._
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll give’t him.
MARIA.
You may have very fit occasion for’t. He is now in some commerce with
my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY.
Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a
bum-baily. So soon as ever thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st,
swear horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation
than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away.
SIR ANDREW.
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
[_Exit._]
SIR TOBY.
Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behaviour of the young
gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his
employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore
this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the
youth. He will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver
his challenge by word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek notable report of
valour, and drive the gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive
it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and
impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one
another by the look, like cockatrices.
Enter Olivia and Viola.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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