SIR TOBY.
What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason, dear knight?
SIR ANDREW.
I have no exquisite reason for 't, but I have reason good enough.
MARIA.
The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing constantly, but a
time-pleaser; an affection'd ass, that cons state without book,
and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so
cramm'd, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds
of faith that all that look on him love him; and on that vice in
him will my revenge find notable cause to work.
SIR TOBY.
What wilt thou do?
MARIA.
I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love; wherein, by
the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his
gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and
complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I
can write very like my lady, your niece; on a forgotten matter we
can hardly make distinction of our hands.
SIR TOBY.
Excellent! I smell a device.
SIR ANDREW.
I have 't in my nose too.
SIR TOBY.
He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they
come from my niece, and that she's in love with him.
MARIA.
My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
SIR ANDREW.
And your horse now would make him an ass.
MARIA.
Ass, I doubt not.
SIR ANDREW.
O, 't will be admirable!
MARIA.
Sport royal, I warrant you; I know my physic will work with him.
I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he
shall find the letter; observe his construction of it. For
this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.
[Exit.]
SIR TOBY.
Good night, Penthesilea.
SIR ANDREW.
Before me, she's a good wench.
SIR TOBY.
She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me. What o' that?
SIR ANDREW.
I was ador'd once too.
SIR TOBY.
Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.
SIR ANDREW.
If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.
SIR TOBY.
Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i' th' end, call me
cut.
SIR ANDREW.
If I do not, never trust me; take it how you will.
SIR TOBY.
Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 't is too late to go to bed
now. Come, knight; come, knight.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE IV.
The DUKE'S palace
[Enter DUKE, VIOLA, CURIO, and others.]
DUKE.
Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.
Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
That old and antique song we heard last night;
Methought it did relieve my passion much,
More than light airs and recollected terms
Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times.
Come, but one verse.
CURIO.
He is not here, so please your lordship, that should sing it.
DUKE.
Who was it?
CURIO.
Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady Olivia's father
took much delight in. He is about the house.
DUKE.
Go seek him out, and play the tune the while.
[Exit CURIO. Music plays]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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