Ghosts -- Fiction; Invalids -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
My father spoiled me when I was small, believed too much in me.
He thought me a genius, and I ... perhaps I thought so too. I
puzzled and perplexed him, and he felt overweighted with his
responsibilities, with character-studying an egotistic girl of
sixteen. The result was a stepmother. Can you imagine what I
suffered! She began almost immediately to suffocate me with her
kindness. She too admitted I was a genius. Do you know we had
the idea, these besotted parents of mine and I, that I was to be
a great pianist! I practised many hours a day, sustained by
jellies, and beef-tea and encouragement. I had the best
teachers, a few weeks in Dresden with Lentheric, my father
poured out his money like water. The end of that period was a
prolonged fainting fit, the first of many, the discovery I had a
weak heart, that the exertion of piano-playing affected it
unfavourably. I came back from Dresden at eighteen, was
presented the same year, the papers said I was beautiful; father
put himself out of the way to be nice to pressmen; he had
acquired the habit in America whilst he was building up his
fortune. That I was accounted beautiful and could play Chopin
and was to have a fortune, made me appear also brilliant. My
father paid for the printing of my first book. My first one-act
play was performed at a West End theatre. Then I met James
Capel. Mr. Justice Jeune knows the story of my married life
better than any one else. I was high-spirited before it began.
At the end of a year I was physically, mentally, morally a
wreck. I don’t know which of us hated the other more, my husband
or I. Anyway, he made no objection to my returning to my father.
My stepmother’s suffocating kindness descended upon me again,
and now I found it healing. When I was healed I wrote “The
Immoralists.” Then my father’s pride in me revived. He and my
stepmother kept open house and collected celebrities to show the
dimness of their light as a background for my supposed more
brilliant shining! Society was pleased to come, my father
growing always richer.... I wrote “The Farce of Fearlessness”
and “Love and the Lutist” about this time, and my other play.
When my husband made it imperative by his proved and public
blackguardism I resorted to the law, and acting under advice,
fought him in the arena he chose, and have now won my freedom,
but at an incredible, hardly yet to be realised cost, all my
wounds exposed in the market-place.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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