Ghosts -- Fiction; Invalids -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
I dined in bed and treated myself to an extra dose of nepenthe on the
excuse of the fatigue of my journey. The prescription had been given to
me by one of those eminent London physicians of whom I hope one day to
make a pen-and-ink drawing. It is an insidious drug with varying
effects. That night I remember the pain was soon under weigh and the
strange half-wakeful dreams began early. It was good to be out of pain
even if one knew it to be only a temporary deliverance. The happiness of
a recovered amiability soon became mine, after which conscience began to
worry me because I had been ungrateful to my sister and had run away
from her, and been rude to her doctor, that strange doctor. I smiled in
my drowsiness when I thought of him and his beloved Margaret Capel, a
strange devotee at a forgotten shrine, in his cutaway checked coat and
the baggy trousers. But the boots might have come from Lobb. His hands
were smooth, of the right texture. Evidently the romance of his life had
been this Margaret Capel.
So this place had been a nursing-home, and when she knew it she heard
groans and smelt ether. Her books were like that: fanciful, frothy. She
had never a straightforward story to tell. It was years since I had
heard her name, and I had forgotten what little I knew, except that I
had once been resentful of the fuss the critics had made over her. I
believed she was dead, but could not be sure. Then I thought of Death,
and was glad it had no terrors for me. No one could go on living as I
had been doing, never out of pain, without seeing Death as a release.
A burning point of pain struck me again, and because I was drugged I
found it unbearable. Before it was too late and I became drowsier I
roused myself for another dose. To pour out the medicine and put the
glass down without spilling it was difficult, the table seemed uneven.
Later my brain became confused, and my body comfortable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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