“She would say: ‘I did not really mean to be a bad daughter to you,
papa.’ And I would say: ‘Of course, my dear. You could not have meant
it.’ She would lie quiet and then say: ‘I wonder?’ And sometimes, ‘I’ve
been really a coward,’ she would tell me. You know, sick people they say
things. And so she would say too: ‘I’ve been conceited, headstrong,
capricious. I sought my own gratification. I was selfish or afraid.’
. . . But sick people, you know, they say anything. And once, after lying
silent almost all day, she said: ‘Yes; perhaps, when the day came I would
not have gone. Perhaps! I don’t know,’ she cried. ‘Draw the curtain,
papa. Shut the sea out. It reproaches me with my folly.’” He gasped
and paused.
“So you see,” he went on in a murmur. “Very ill, very ill indeed.
Pneumonia. Very sudden.” He pointed his finger at the carpet, while the
thought of the poor girl, vanquished in her struggle with three men’s
absurdities, and coming at last to doubt her own self, held me in a very
anguish of pity.
“You see yourself,” he began again in a downcast manner. “She could not
have really . . . She mentioned you several times. Good friend.
Sensible man. So I wanted to tell you myself—let you know the truth. A
fellow like that! How could it be? She was lonely. And perhaps for a
while . . . Mere nothing. There could never have been a question of love
for my Freya—such a sensible girl—”
“Man!” I cried, rising upon him wrathfully, “don’t you see that she died
of it?”
He got up too. “No! no!” he stammered, as if angry. “The doctors!
Pneumonia. Low state. The inflammation of the . . . They told me.
Pneu—”
He did not finish the word. It ended in a sob. He flung his arms out in
a gesture of despair, giving up his ghastly pretence with a low,
heartrending cry:
“And I thought that she was so sensible!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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