"You are ungenerous to say that!" she exclaims. "I am not afraid of
what any one says. I know I am to blame. But because I have erred
once it is no reason that I should do so again. Right and wrong are
set plainly enough before us. I have tried, feebly enough, to keep
to the straight path; I cannot forget duty, honour, so easily. If I
could--if I had--oh, Keith, ask yourself, would your love be what it
is now?"
"No; it would not," he says slowly. "Though I am so bitter against
you I would not have you shamed by my selfishness. I--I think--so
much at least you have taught me. But you--understand, do you not?
I cannot do impossibilities, and--now at last, I come to you to say
'Good-bye.'"
A sudden mist of tears dims her eyes. It seems as if all around
grows cold and grey, and a barrier of ice stands between her and any
hope of happiness.
There is a long silence. He still leans there, his head on his hand,
his face turned towards her as if to gaze his last on the beauty he
loves and remembers with so absorbed and passionate a fidelity. Her
eyes, amidst those blinding tears, meet his own longing gaze. She
rises from her seat and holds out her hand, while her voice, broken
and full of unutterable sadness, cries out: "Oh, Keith, what should I
say--what should I do? May God have mercy on us both."
"If you wish His mercy on _you_, don't cry," says Keith hoarsely, "or
you will make me so desperate that I shall forfeit any little bit of
kindness you may still feel! Be cold, cruel, scornful if you please,
but don't drive me mad with sight of your sorrow. Mine I can
bear--it is no new friend. But yours----" Lauraine dashes the tears
from her eyes, and makes a violent effort at self-control. "I cannot
ask you to forgive me," she says; "it would be better if you could
learn to hate me. I wonder you do not, when you think of all the
sorrow I have brought into your life."
"I have tried my best to hate you," he says gloomily; "I _cannot_.
Do you suppose that if, by any deed, any power of will, I could tear
your memory from my heart, and once again know peace, that I would
not do it? God knows how gladly! But I cannot; I must go on
thinking of you, loving you----"
He ceases abruptly, then goes on:
"And once you put your arms round my neck and told me you would be
mine 'for ever.' There are times now when I seem to feel that soft
touch and the thrill of your unasked kiss, and--and then, Lorry, I
remember that 'for ever' meant less than--four years."
"You--you promised," falters Lauraine.
"Yes, you are right. So I did. I seem to do nothing but make
promises and break them with you. Well, there is one comfort, after
to-day I shall have no chance of doing either one or other. There
can be no distance too wide to set between our lives. And--oh God,
to think of what might have been!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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