"Life is full of mistakes," says Lauraine, weeping unrestrainedly
now. "Oh, had I but known--had I but known! Yet, Keith, something
tells me that time will bring you consolation--time and the
consciousness that you have done right."
"Your words are beyond my powers of acceptance," he answers gloomily.
"If I am doing right now, it is from no good motive, I assure you.
If again you said to me 'Stay,' there would be no more parting this
side the grave, Lorry, for you and me."
His voice is very low and unsteady, but she hears every word, and all
the wild love and longing, the weariness and emptiness of her life,
seem beating like waves against the poor weak barriers of honour.
"I think I would give all the world to be able to say it to-day," she
cries, with sudden passion. "But, oh, Keith! the 'to-morrow,' that
would follow; the sin and misery that would be with us both for ever!
Is life or love worth one's eternal ruin? Is our parting now to be
compared to that 'other' parting that would have to follow--the
eternal parting that would be so hopeless because of the guilt that
lay upon our souls?"
"I do not think a great love can ever be a sin," Keith answers
passionately. "And mine would last you if ever human love did last.
So much I know of myself, bad as I am."
"You are not bad," says Lauraine gently. "And I am sure you won't
threaten me with the worse misery of your recklessness as once before
you did. The nobler and better your life, the less will be my
suffering. And you won't be cruel enough to add to that, will you?"
The pleading voice, the tearful eyes, unman him. "Why don't you
abuse me, condemn me, call me the selfish brute I am?" he says, with
that rapid contrition that so often marks his wildest moods. "No,
Lorry, I won't be 'bad' if I can help it. I wouldn't wish to add to
your suffering, though I am so selfish. Let me go now, while I have
strength, while the good fit is on me. It mayn't last, you know, and
then----"
He is standing facing her, and white as death she looks up and meets
the mournful gaze of the "bad blue eyes." There is no badness in
them now, only a great anguish and a great despair. One long, long
look they give--a look that seems to read her heart, and all its love
that she denies, and all its suffering that he has given. He takes
her hands and draws her near, nearer. She trembles like a leaf. Her
eyelids droop, her lips quiver.
"May I--kiss you?" he whispers.
She makes no answer in words, for speech is beyond her. She forgets
everything now, save that she loves, and that this is an eternal
farewell to her lover.
There comes such a moment of forgetfulness to all women who love,
otherwise, indeed, there would be none to fall for love's sake only.
Otherwise, how easy would be the conflict that, of all others is the
wildest, the fiercest, and hardest to wage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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