'Forestfield knows all!' Those words were her social death-knell,
ringing out farewell to friends, to position, to hope, almost to life;
for what would life be to her without the surroundings in which she
had revelled, and which were about to be ruthlessly cut away? Was
there the remotest chance of escape? Could there be any possible
motive by which her husband, cognisant of her crime, would consent to
condone it? Of his own irregularities since their marriage, common and
manifold as they were, she had long since been made aware, and had
suffered them in silence. Might not he, in simplest justice to her, do
likewise? He knew all; but none else, save the creatures in his
employ, whose silence was as easily purchased as their espionage. He
had been with her but five minutes before De Tournefort had told her
the fatal news, and his manner, as ordinarily, was cold and cynically
polite. She had seen him very different at times when she had
unwittingly given him trivial cause for offence, when he had cursed
and sworn, and once seized her arm and wrenched it round so violently
that for weeks she had borne the blue impress of his fingers. Surely
De Tournefort must have been misinformed. Surely, if Richard knew his
disgrace, he would have avoided her in public; and when they met in
private would have wreaked his wrath upon her, as he had done for far
more venial matters.
From thinking of her husband she turned to thinking of herself,
wondering how and why she had fallen; patiently, but in a vague dreamy
kind of manner, analysing her feelings towards the man who had wrought
her ruin, and for whose gratification she had imperilled her social
status and her soul. For _his_ gratification, not for _hers!_ In her
self-examination she did not find one grain of love for Gustave de
Tournefort; she had not even had a caprice, a passion for him, and had
only listened to his oft-urged suit when completely worn out with
solitude, loneliness, and neglect. Love, passion--she had known them
but once, in the early days of her marriage, when she thought that
there had never lived on this earth a man comparable to her husband;
none so handsome, none with such an easy bearing, such biting wit,
such delicious insolence. She had sat down and worshipped him with all
her soul and strength, heedless of her father's good-humoured
raillery, heedless of her mother's tearful entreaties and solemn
warnings; she had set up her idol and bowed down before it, only to
find after a little time that it was a very ordinary kind of fetish
indeed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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