UKRIDGE WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT “Do not count your chickens before they are hatched” is a classic saying that might well have been remembered by Ukridge. Ukridge is always on the verge of making a fortune and counting his thousands before they are made. But Dame Fortune is a fickle jade. She eludes him in his great scheme about the dog college, wherein he was to turn out a world supply of trained dogs, and likewise in his backing of Battling Billson, the tender-hearted pugilist. But hope and George Tupper keep Ukridge going. He is ever ready for the next assault. _BY THE SAME AUTHOR_ A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS 2s. 6d. net. THE COMING OF BILL 3s. 6d. net. THE GIRL ON THE BOAT 2s. 6d. net. THE CLICKING OF CUTHBERT 3s. 6d. net. JILL THE RECKLESS 2s. 6d. net. INDISCRETIONS OF ARCHIE 2s. 6d. net. PICCADILLY JIM 2s. 6d. net. LOVE AMONG THE CHICKENS 2s. 6d. net. A GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE 2s. 6d. net. THE ADVENTURES OF SALLY 7s. 6d. net. THE INIMITABLE JEEVES 3s. 6d. net. MY MAN JEEVES 2s. 6d. net. LEAVE IT TO PSMITH 7s. 6d. net. UKRIDGE BY P. G. WODEHOUSE HERBERT JENKINS LIMITED 3 YORK STREET ST. JAMES’S LONDON S.W.1 * MCMXXIV A HERBERT JENKINS BOOK _Printed in Great Britain by_ Butler & Tanner Ltd., _Frome and London_ DEDICATED WITH ESTEEM AND GRATITUDE TO OLD BILL TOWNEND MY FRIEND FROM BOYHOOD’S DAYS WHO FIRST INTRODUCED ME TO STANLEY FEATHERSTONEHAUGH UKRIDGE CONTENTS CHAPTER I. Ukridge’s Dog College II. Ukridge’s Accident Syndicate III. The Début of Battling Billson IV. First Aid for Dora V. The Return of Battling Billson VI. Ukridge Sees her Through VII. No Wedding Bells for him VIII. The Long Arm of Looney Coote IX. The Exit of Battling Billson X. Ukridge Rounds a Nasty Corner UKRIDGE CHAPTER I UKRIDGE’S DOG COLLEGE “Laddie,” said Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge, that much-enduring man, helping himself to my tobacco and slipping the pouch absently into his pocket, “listen to me, you son of Belial.” “What?” I said, retrieving the pouch. “Do you want to make an enormous fortune?” “I do.” “Then write my biography. Bung it down on paper, and we’ll split the proceeds. I’ve been making a pretty close study of your stuff lately, old horse, and it’s all wrong. The trouble with you is that you don’t plumb the well-springs of human nature and all that. You just think up some rotten yarn about some-dam-thing-or-other and shove it down. Now, if you tackled my life, you’d have something worth writing about. Pots of money in it, my boy—English serial rights and American serial rights and book rights, and dramatic rights and movie rights—well, you can take it from me that, at a conservative estimate, we should clean up at least fifty thousand pounds apiece.” “As much as that?”