Humorous stories; Ukridge, Stanley Featherstonehaugh (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
Then, as if aware that he had been chattering in an undignified
manner to a comparative stranger, he withdrew into the silence
again and did not emerge till it was time to go to bed, when he
said “Good night, mister,” and disappeared. It was disappointing.
Significant, perhaps, the conversation had been, but I had been
rather hoping for something which could have been built up into a
human document, entitled “The Soul of the Abysmal Brute,” and sold
to some editor for that real money which was always so badly needed
in the home.
Ukridge and his _protégé_ left next morning for Barnes, and, as
that riverside resort was somewhat off my beat, I saw no more of
the Battler until the fateful night at Wonderland. From time to
time Ukridge would drop in at my rooms to purloin cigars and socks,
and on these occasions he always spoke with the greatest confidence
of his man’s prospects. At first, it seemed, there had been a
little difficulty owing to the other’s rooted idea that plug
tobacco was an indispensable adjunct to training: but towards the
end of the first week the arguments of wisdom had prevailed and he
had consented to abandon smoking until after his début. By this
concession the issue seemed to Ukridge to have been sealed as a
certainty, and he was in sunny mood as he borrowed the money from
me to pay our fares to the Underground station at which the pilgrim
alights who wishes to visit that Mecca of East-end boxing,
Wonderland.
The Battler had preceded us, and when we arrived was in the
dressing-room, stripped to a breath-taking semi-nudity. I had not
supposed that it was possible for a man to be larger than was Mr.
Billson when arrayed for the street, but in trunks and boxing shoes
he looked like his big brother. Muscles resembling the hawsers of
an Atlantic liner coiled down his arms and rippled along his
massive shoulders. He seemed to dwarf altogether the by no means
flimsy athlete who passed out of the room as we came in.
“That’s the bloke,” announced Mr. Billson, jerking his red head
after this person.
We understood him to imply that the other was his opponent, and
the spirit of confidence which had animated us waxed considerably.
Where six of the pick of the Merchant Marine had failed, this
stripling could scarcely hope to succeed.
“I been talkin’ to ’im,” said Battling Billson.
I took this unwonted garrulity to be due to a slight nervousness
natural at such a moment.
“’E’s ’ad a lot of trouble, that bloke,” said the Battler.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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