Humorous stories; Ukridge, Stanley Featherstonehaugh (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
With the opening of the second round considerably more spirit was
introduced into the affair. The same strange torpidity still held
our Battler in its grip, but his opponent was another man. During
round one he had seemed a little nervous and apprehensive. He had
behaved as if he considered it prudent not to stir Mr. Billson.
But now this distaste for direct action had left him. There was
jauntiness in his demeanour as he moved to the centre of the ring;
and, having reached it, he uncoiled a long left and smote Mr.
Billson forcefully on the nose. Twice he smote him, and twice Mr.
Billson blinked like one who has had bad news from home. The man
who had had a lot of trouble leaned sideways and brought his right
fist squarely against the Battler’s ear.
All was forgotten and forgiven. A moment before the audience had
been solidly anti-Billson. Now they were as unanimously pro. For
these blows, while they appeared to have affected him not at all
physically, seemed to have awakened Mr. Billson’s better feelings
as if somebody had turned on a tap. They had aroused in Mr.
Billson’s soul that zest for combat which had been so sadly to seek
in round one. For an instant after the receipt of that buffet on
the ear the Battler stood motionless on his flat feet, apparently
in deep thought. Then, with the air of one who has suddenly
remembered an important appointment, he plunged forward. Like an
animated windmill he cast himself upon the bloke of troubles. He
knocked him here, he bounced him there. He committed mayhem upon
his person. He did everything to him that a man can do who is
hampered with boxing-gloves, until presently the troubled one was
leaning heavily against the ropes, his head hanging dazedly, his
whole attitude that of a man who would just as soon let the matter
drop. It only remained for the Battler to drive home the final
punch, and a hundred enthusiasts, rising to their feet, were
pointing out to him desirable locations for it.
But once more that strange diffidence had descended upon our
representative. While every other man in the building seemed to
know the correct procedure and was sketching it out in nervous
English, Mr. Billson appeared the victim of doubt. He looked
uncertainly at his opponent and enquiringly at the referee.
The referee, obviously a man of blunted sensibilities, was
unresponsive. Do It Now was plainly his slogan. He was a business
man, and he wanted his patrons to get good value for their money.
He was urging Mr. Billson to make a thorough job of it. And finally
Mr. Billson approached his man and drew back his right arm. Having
done this, he looked over his shoulder once more at the referee.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account