Humorous stories; Ukridge, Stanley Featherstonehaugh (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
The second round followed the same general lines as the first. The
fact that up to now he had been foiled in his attempts to resolve
Battling Billson into his component parts had had no damping effect
on Alf Todd’s ardour. He was still the same active, energetic soul,
never sparing himself in his efforts to make the party go. There
was a wholehearted abandon in his rushes which reminded one of a
short-tempered gorilla trying to get at its keeper. Occasionally
some extra warmth on the part of his antagonist would compel him
to retire momentarily into a clinch, but he always came out of it
as ready as ever to resume the argument. Nevertheless, at the end
of round two he was still a shade behind. Round three added further
points to the Battler’s score, and at the end of round four Alf
Todd had lost so much ground that the most liberal odds were
required to induce speculators to venture their cash on his chances.
And then the fifth round began, and those who a minute before had
taken odds of three to one on the Battler and openly proclaimed
the money as good as in their pockets, stiffened in their seats or
bent forward with pale and anxious faces. A few brief moments back
it had seemed to them incredible that this sure thing could come
unstitched. There was only this round and the next to go—a mere
six minutes of conflict; and Mr. Billson was so far ahead on points
that nothing but the accident of his being knocked out could lose
him the decision. And you had only to look at Wilberforce Billson
to realise the absurdity of his being knocked out. Even I, who had
seen him go through the process at Wonderland, refused to consider
the possibility. If ever there was a man in the pink, it was
Wilberforce Billson.
But in boxing there is always the thousandth chance. As he came
out of his corner for round five, it suddenly became plain that
things were not well with our man. Some chance blow in that last
melee of round four must have found a vital spot, for he was
obviously in bad shape. Incredible as it seemed, Battling Billson
was groggy. He shuffled rather than stepped; he blinked in a manner
damping to his supporters; he was clearly finding increasing
difficulty in foiling the boisterous attentions of Mr. Todd.
Sibilant whispers arose; Ukridge clutched my arm in an agonised
grip; voices were offering to bet on Alf; and in the Battler’s
corner, their heads peering through the ropes, those members of
the minor clergy who had been told off to second our man were wan
with apprehension.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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