Humorous stories; Ukridge, Stanley Featherstonehaugh (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
Mr. Todd, for his part, was a new man. He had retired to his corner
at the end of the preceding round with the moody step of one who
sees failure looming ahead. “I’m always chasing rainbows,” Mr.
Todd’s eye had seemed to say as it rested gloomily on the resined
floor. “Another dream shattered!” And he had come out for round
five with the sullen weariness of the man who has been helping to
amuse the kiddies at a children’s party and has had enough of it.
Ordinary politeness rendered it necessary for him to see this
uncongenial business through to the end, but his heart was no
longer in it.
And then, instead of the steel and india-rubber warrior who had
smitten him so sorely at their last meeting, he found this sagging
wreck. For an instant sheer surprise seemed to shackle Mr. Todd’s
limbs, then he adjusted himself to the new conditions. It was as
if somebody had grafted monkey-glands on to Alfred Todd. He leaped
at Battling Billson, and Ukridge’s grip on my arm became more
painful than ever.
A sudden silence fell upon the house. It was a tense, expectant
silence, for affairs had reached a crisis. Against the ropes near
his corner the Battler was leaning, heedless of the well-meant
counsel of his seconds, and Alf Todd, with his fringe now almost
obscuring his eyes, was feinting for an opening. There is a tide
in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to
fortune; and Alf Todd plainly realised this. He fiddled for an
instant with his hands, as if he were trying to mesmerise Mr.
Billson, then plunged forward.
A great shout went up. The congregation appeared to have lost all
sense of what place this was that they were in. They were jumping
up and down in their seats and bellowing deplorably. For the crisis
had been averted. Somehow or other Wilberforce Billson had contrived
to escape from that corner, and now he was out in the middle of
the ring, respited.
And yet he did not seem pleased. His usually expressionless face
was contorted with pain and displeasure. For the first time in the
entire proceedings he appeared genuinely moved. Watching him
closely, I could see his lips moving, perhaps in prayer. And as
Mr. Todd, bounding from the ropes, advanced upon him, he licked
those lips. He licked them in a sinister meaning way, and his right
hand dropped slowly down below his knee.
Alf Todd came on. He came jauntily and in the manner of one moving
to a feast or festival. This was the end of a perfect day, and he
knew it. He eyed Battling Billson as if the latter had been a pot
of beer. But for the fact that he came of a restrained and
unemotional race, he would doubtless have burst into song. He shot
out his left and it landed on Mr. Billson’s nose. Nothing happened.
He drew back his right and poised it almost lovingly for a moment.
It was during this moment that Battling Billson came to life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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