I thought, “How he must have hurt her!” It was the old thing over again:
I trying to break him down, to make him show her; he beating us both
off, punishing us both. You see, I knew now what she had come back for:
she had come back to find out whether he loved her. With a longing
unquenched by death, she had come back for certainty. And now, as
always, my clumsy interference had only made him more hard, more
obstinate. I thought, “If only he could see her! But as long as he beats
her off he never will.”
Still, if I could once get him to believe that she was there—
I made up my mind that the next time I saw the phantasm I would tell
him.
The next evening and the next its chair was empty, and I judged that it
was keeping away, hurt by what it had heard the last time.
But the third evening we were hardly seated before I saw it.
It was sitting up, alert and observant, not staring at Donald as it
used, but looking round the room, as if searching for something that it
missed.
“Donald,” I said, “if I told you that Cicely is in the room now, I
suppose you wouldn’t believe me?”
“Is it likely?”
“No. All the same, I see her as plainly as I see you.”
The phantasm rose and moved to his side.
“She’s standing close beside you.”
And now it moved and went to the writing-table. I turned and followed
its movements. It slid its open hands over the table, touching
everything, unmistakably feeling for something it believed to be there.
I went on. “She’s at the writing-table now. She’s looking for
something.”
It stood back, baffled and distressed. Then suddenly it began opening
and shutting the drawers, without a sound, searching each one in turn.
I said, “Oh, she’s trying the drawers now!”
Donald stood up. He was not looking at the place where it was. He was
looking hard at me, in anxiety and a sort of fright. I supposed that was
why he remained unaware of the opening and shutting of the drawers.
It continued its desperate searching.
The bottom drawer stuck fast. I saw it pull and shake it, and stand back
again, baffled.
“It’s locked,” I said.
“What’s locked?”
“That bottom drawer.”
“Nonsense! It’s nothing of the kind.”
“It is, I tell you. Give me the key. Oh, Donald, give it me!”
He shrugged his shoulders; but all the same he felt in his pockets for
the key, which he gave me with a little teasing gesture, as if he
humoured a child.
I unlocked the drawer, pulled it out to its full length, and there,
thrust away at the back, out of sight, I found the Token.
I had not seen it since the day of Cicely’s death.
“Who put it there?” I asked.
“I did.”
“Well, that’s what she was looking for,” I said.
I held out the Token to him on the palm of my hand, as if it were the
proof that I had seen her.
“Helen,” he said gravely, “I think you must be ill.”
“You think so? I’m not so ill that I don’t know what you put it away
for,” I said. “It was because she thought you cared for it more than you
did for her.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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