WHEN it cum to raisin' hogs, I don't s'pose thar wuz ever enybody in
Punkin Centre that had quite so much trouble as Jim Lawson. One fall Jim
had a right likely bunch of shoats, but somehow or other he couldn't git
'em fat, it jist seemed like the more he fed 'em the poorer they got,
and Jim he wuz jist about worried clar down to a shadder. He kept givin'
them hogs medecin' and feedin' of 'em everything he could think on, but
it wan't no use; every day or so one of 'em would lay down and die. All
the neighbors would cum and lean over the fence, and talk to Jim, and
give him advice, but somehow them hogs jist kept on a-dyin', and nobody
could see what wuz alin' of 'em, 'til one day Jim cum over to Ezra
Hoskins's store, and he looked as tickled as though he'd found a dollar,
and he sed: "I want you all to cum over to my place; I've found out
what's alin' them hogs." Deacon Witherspoon sed: "Wall, what is it,
Jim?" and Jim sed: "Wall, you see the ground over in my hog lot is purty
soft, and when it rains it gits right smart muddy, and the mud gits on
them hogs' tails, and that mud it gits more mud, and finally they git
so much mud on their tails that it draws their skin so tight that they
can't shet their eyes, and them hogs air jist a-dyin' fer the want of
sleep."
Wall, the followin' winter Jim had his hogs all fat and ready fer
markit, and he jist conclooded he'd drive 'em to Concord. Wall, he
started out, and when he'd drov 'em two whole days he met old Jabez
Whitaker. Jabe sed: "Whar you goin' with your hogs, Jim?" Jim sed:
"Goin' to Concord, Jabez." Jabez sed "Wall, now, I want to know. That's
what cums from not readin' the papers. Why, Jim, they've got more hogs
up Concord way than they know what to do with. Lige Willit took his hogs
up thar, and Eben Sprosby took his'n, and Concord's jist chuck full of
hogs, and so consequintly the markit's away down in Concord. But the
paper sez it's good in Manchester, and you'd make money, Jim, by goin'
thar." So Jim shifted his chew of terbacker over to the northeast, and
sed: "Wall, boys, I calculate we'll hav to go to Manchester, so jist
head the hogs off and turn them round." Wall, they druv them hogs 'bout
three days towards Manchester, and jist 'bout when they wuz gittin'
thar, along cum Caleb Skinner, and he sed: "Wall, thunder and
fish-hooks, whar be you a-goin', Jim." And Jim sed: "As near as he could
figure it out from his present bearin's, he wuz most likely goin' to
Manchester." And Caleb sed: "What fer?" Jim sed: "Didn't know exactly
what all he wuz goin' fer, but if he ever got thar, he'd most likely
sell his hogs." And Caleb sed: "Wall, your goin' to the wrong town.
Manchester has got a quarantine agin' any more hogs comin' in, 'cos what
hogs they is thar has all got colery, and you'd better go to Concord.
Besides the paper says markit is purty well up in Concord." Wall, Jim
sed a good many things that wouldn't sound good at a prayer meetin',
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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