Wall, anyhow, he sed to that front boy, "Show the gentleman to the
proprietor's offis." Wall, I went along with that boy, and presently we
cum to a place in one corner of that store; it wuz made out of iron and
had bars in front of the winders, and looked like the county jale. The
front boy p'inted to a man and sed, "Go in," and I sed, "I gessed I
wouldn't go in thar, cos I hadn't done anything to be locked up fer."
And that front boy commenced to laffin' tho' durned if I could see what
he wuz a-laffin' about, and the storekeeper he opened the door and cum
out, and he sed, "Good mornin', what can I do fer you?" I sed, "Be you
the storekeeper?" and he sed he wuz. So I sed, "Do you want to buy any
pertaters?" And he sed, "No, sir, we don't buy pertaters here; this a
dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, don't want any cabbage, do ye?" And
he sed, "No, sir, this is a dry goods store." So I sed, "Wall, now, I
want to know; do you need any onions?" And by chowder, he got madder 'n
a wet hen. He sed, "Now look a-heer, I want you to understand onct fer
all, this is a dry goods store, and we don't buy anything but dry goods
and don't sell anything but dry goods; do you understand me now? DRY
GOODS." And I sed, "Yes, gess I understand you; you don't need to git so
tarnaly riled about the matter; neer as I can figure it out you jist buy
dry goods and sell 'em." And he sed, "Yes, sir, only dry goods." So I
sed, "Do you want to buy some mighty good dried apples?"
Wall, that front boy got to laffin, and a lot of wimmin clerks giggled
right out, and the storekeeper he commenced a-laffin', too, and fer
about a minnit I thought they'd all went crazy to onct. Wall, he told a
feller to show me whar I could sell my produce, and I disposed of it at
a good bargain.
I like them Boston folks, they try to make you feel to hum, and enjoy
yourself and be soshable, and I wuz chuck full of soshability, too; I
wuz goin' up one street and down t'other, jist a-gettin' soshability at
ten cents a soshable.
Wall, I gess I seen about everything wuth seein' in Boston, and I wuz
a-standin' along-side of one of their old churches, a-lookin' at the
semetry, and I gess thar wuz folks in thar burried nigh unto three
hundred years. And I wuz jist a-thinkin' what they'd say if they could
wake up and see Boston now, when I noticed a row of little toomstones,
and one of them it sed, "Hester Brown, beloved wife of James Brown," and
on another it sed, "Prudence Brown, beloved wife of James Brown," and on
another it sed, "Thankful Brown, beloved wife of James Brown." Wall,
I couldn't jist make out what she had to be thankful about, but I sed,
"Jimmy, you had a right lively time while you wuz in Boston, didn't
you?" Then I seen another toomstone and on it it sed, "Matilda Brown,
beloved wife of James Brown," and another one what sed,
"Sara Ann Brown, beloved wife of James Brown," and over in a little
corner, all to itself, I seen a toomstone, and on it it sed, "James
Brown, At Rest."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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