'What did they say? Ah, that was no matter, surely. Well, if I would
press her, two or three busybodies had hinted that a certain young lady,
who should be nameless, was rather too eager in her pursuit of the vicar.
'"Such nonsense, Gladys, my dear," she went on, as I remained dumb and
sick at heart at such an imputation. "Of course I told them it was only
your enthusiasm for good works. 'She meets him in her district and at the
mothers' meeting; and what can be the harm of that?' I said to them. 'And
of course she cannot refuse to sing at the penny readings and people's
entertainments when she knows that she gives such pleasure to the poor
people, and it is rather hard that she should be accused of wanting to
display her fine voice.' Oh, you may be sure that I took your part. Of
course it is a pity folks should believe such things, but I hope I made
them properly ashamed of themselves."
'You may imagine how uneasy these innuendoes made me. You know my
sensitiveness, and how prone I am to exaggerate things. It seemed to
me that more lay behind the margin of her words; and I was not wrong.
'In a little while there were other things hinted to me, but very gently.
Ah, she was kind enough to me in those days. Did I not think that I was a
little too imprudent and unreserved in my manner to Mr. Cunliffe? She
hated to make me uncomfortable, and of course I was so innocent that I
meant no harm; but men were peculiar, especially a man like Mr. Cunliffe:
she was afraid he might notice my want of self-control.
'"You do not see yourself, Gladys," she said, once; "a child would find
out that you are over head and ears in love with him. Perhaps it would
not matter so much under other circumstances, but I confess I am a little
uneasy. His manner was very cold and strange last night: he seemed afraid
to trust himself alone with you. Do be careful, my dear. Suppose, after
all, his feelings are changed, and that he fears to tell you so?"
'Ursula, can you not understand the slow torture of these days and weeks,
the first insidious doubts, the increasing fears, that seemed to be
corroborated day by day? Yes, it was not my fancy; Etta was right; he
was certainly changed; he no longer loved me.
'In desperation I acted upon her advice, and resigned my parish work. It
seemed to me that I was parting with the last shred of my happiness when
I did so. I made weak health my excuse, and indeed I was far from well;
but I had the anguish of seeing the unspoken reproach in Mr. Cunliffe's
eyes: he thought me cowardly, vacillating; he was disappointed in me.
'It was the end of April by this time, and in a week or two the day would
come when he would have to speak to me again. Would you believe it?--but
no, you could not dream that I was so utterly mad and foolish,--but in
spite of all this wretchedness I still hoped. The day came and passed,
and he never came near me, and the next day, and the next; and then I
knew that Etta was right,--his love for me was gone.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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