'You believed this, Gladys?' but I dared not say more: my promise to Max
fettered me.
'How could I doubt it?' she returned, looking at me with dry, miserable
eyes; and I seemed to realise then all her pain and humiliation. 'His not
coming to me at the appointed time was to be a sign between us that he
had changed his mind. Did I not tell him so with my own lips? did I not
say to him that he was free as air, and that no possible blame could
attach itself to him if he failed to come? Do you suppose that I did
not mean those words?'
'Could you not have given him the benefit of a doubt?' I returned.
'Perhaps your manner too was changed and made him lose hope: the
resignation of all your work in the parish must have discouraged him,
surely.'
'Still, he would have come to me and told me so,' she replied quickly.
'He is not weak or wanting in moral courage: if he had not changed to me
he would have come.
'I have never had hope since that day,' she went on mournfully. 'He is
very kind to me,--very; but it is only the kindness of a friend. He tries
to hide from me how much he is disappointed in me, how I have failed to
come up to his standard; but of course I see it. But for Etta I should
have resumed my work. You were present when he nearly persuaded me to do
so; I was longing then to please him; I think it would be a consolation
to me if I could do something, however humble, to help him; but Etta
always prevents me from doing so. She has taken all my work, and I do not
think she wants to give it up, and she makes me ready to sink through the
floor with the things she says. I dare not open my lips to Mr. Cunliffe
in her presence; she always says afterwards how anxious I looked, or how
he must have noticed my agitation: if I ever came down to see you,
Ursula, she used to declare angrily that I only went in the hope of
meeting him. She thinks nothing of telling me that I am so weak that she
must protect me in spite of myself, and sometimes she implies that he
sees it all and pities me, and that he has hinted as much to her. Oh,
Ursula, what is the matter?' for I had pushed away my chair and was
walking up and down the room, unable to endure my irritated feelings.
She had suffered all this ignominy and prolonged torture under which her
nerves had given way, and now Max's ridiculous scruples hindered me from
giving her a word of comfort. Why could I not say to her, 'You are wrong:
you have been deceived; Max has never swerved for one instant from his
love to you?' And yet I must not say it.
'I cannot sit down! I cannot bear it!' I exclaimed recklessly, quite
forgetting how necessary it was to keep her quiet; but she put out her
hand to me with such a beautiful sad smile.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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