At the sound of these two words, a shiver ran through her frame, as if a
cold wind had blown over her from the mountain-heights above. She did
not speak, however, and Brian went on in the low, difficult voice which
told the intensity of his feelings more clearly than his words.
"I have been blind--mad, perhaps--but I thought that there was a hope
for me. I fancied that you cared for me a little, that you guessed what
I felt--that you, perhaps, felt it also. Oh, you need not tell me that I
have been presumptuous. I see it now. But it was my one hope in life--I
had nothing left; and I loved you."
His voice sank; he still stood with his face averted; a bitter silence
fell upon him. For the moment he thought of the many losses and sorrows
that he had experienced, and it seemed to him that this was the
bitterest one of all. Elizabeth sat like a statue; her face was pale,
her under-lip bitten, her hands tightly clasped together. At the end of
some minutes' silence she roused herself to speak. There was an accent
of hurt pride in her voice, but there was a tremor, too.
"I gave you no reason to think so, Mr. Stretton," she said.
"No," he answered, still without turning round. "I see now; I made a
mistake."
"That you should ever have made the mistake," said Elizabeth, slowly,
"seems to me----"
She did not finish the sentence. She spoke so slowly that Brian found it
easy to interrupt her. He turned and broke impetuously into the middle
of her phrase.
"It seems an insult--I understand. But I do not mean it as an insult. I
mean it only as a tribute to your exquisite goodness, your sweetness,
which would not let me pass upon my way without a word of kindly
greeting--and yet what can I say, for I did not misunderstand that
kindliness. I was not such a fool as to do that! No, I never really
hoped; I never thought that you could for a moment look at me; believe
me when I say that, even in my wildest dreams, I knew myself to be far,
infinitely far, below you, utterly unworthy of your love, Elizabeth."
"No, no," she murmured, "you must not say that."
"But I do say it, and I mean it. I only ask to be forgiven for that wild
dream--it lasted but for a moment, and there was nothing in it that
could have offended even you, I think; nothing but the love itself. And
I believe in a man's right to love the woman who is the best, the most
beautiful, the noblest on earth for him, even if she were the Queen
herself! If you think that I hoped where I ought to have despaired,
forgive me; but don't say you forgive me for merely loving you; I had
the right, to do that."
She altered her attitude as he spoke. Her hands were now before her
face, and he saw that the tears were trickling between her fingers. All
the generosity of the man's nature was stirred at the sight.
"I am very sorry that I have distressed you," he said. "I am sorry that
I spoke so roughly--so hastily--at first. Trust me when I say that I
will not offend in the same way again."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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