'I intend staying indoors to-day. I have a lot of tidying and putting
away to do, and I want to make a list of a few things I require.'
Osborne looked across the table reproachfully at her.
She did not raise her eyes to his. What a change had taken place in
this girl during the past twelve hours! When he said good-night to her
after the concert her eyes were full of soft fire, her cheek glowed,
her voice was like a caress. Now her eyes were weary, her colour
gone, her voice full of suffering. What could have happened to his
darling--his idol? She was perfect still, but something had been lost.
How was this? Perfection meant the possession of all the constituent
parts. Here was perfection still, and yet something was missing. Then
he put the matter poetically to himself. 'Yesterday I saw this perfect
landscape by sunlight. I am now looking at it by moonlight. It remains
perfect under either light. Which do I prefer it by? I cannot say. I
am more familiar with the fuller light. Which is the lovelier I cannot
tell. What does she mean by saying she will stay indoors all day? She
promised me I should see her and be with her all the month. She is not
going to break her word, and rob my life for a whole day of all it now
has in the world? I cannot, I will not endure that. What should I do
all day long without her? I could rest neither in nor out of doors.
Can she not get her maid to do this wretched drudgery for her? I envy
any person or place that takes away from me any particle of her time.
How is it to be with us? How is it to be with me? If I cannot bear the
loss of her now for a few hours, how could I endure to lose her
altogether? No, no, no; I cannot, I must not lose her altogether.
Nothing shall take her from me. She must be mine, mine, mine! O
glorious hope, bold certainty, essential bliss!'
Nevill burst in with 'Now, can anything be more provoking than the
position in which you have placed us, Miss Gordon? Here is Miss
Osborne, the very embodiment of amiability, who has declared she will
enter into no scheme until you are consulted; here is Mr Osborne, the
very embodiment of amiability, has declared he will enter into no
scheme until you are consulted; and here am I, the very embodiment of
amiability, who have declared I will wait until you come down, and
abide by your decision. And when you do come down, your decision is to
convert your room into a kind of nunnery, and hide yourself behind its
blinds. For sordid selfishness, I never heard of a meaner programme.'
She smiled faintly.
'What am I to do? I have had no sleep. You all tell me I am looking
like a ghost. I do not feel lively. I should be a drag on any party.
What better can I do than be stupid all to myself?'
'But if you resolve to be stupid all to yourself, you interfere with
our arrangements, and impose stupidity upon us. What do you say, Miss
Osborne?'
'I really don't know,' said Miss Osborne softly, across the table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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