American essays -- 20th century; State, The; World War, 1914-1918
For there stands your old world, wary, wily, parrying easily all your
childish blows, and beating you down to your knees, so that you must
go back and learn your long apprenticeship. By the time you have
learned it, and have become master, behold! your life is inextricably
knotted into it. As you learned your apprenticeship, you did as the
world did, you learned the tricks in order that you might get your
revenge on this world and dominate it as it has tantalizingly held you
off and subjugated you. But by the time you have learned, are you not
yourself firmly established as a part of the world yourself, so that
you dominate nothing. Rather are you now a part of that very flaming
rampart against which new youth advances. You cannot help being a part
of that very rampart without extinguishing your own existence.
So you have never overtaken the given. Actually you have fallen farther
and farther behind it. You have not affected the world you live in; you
have been molded and shaped by it yourself. Your moral responsibility
has been a myth, for you were never really free enough to have any
responsibility. While you thought you were making headway, you were
really being devoured. And your children are as casually begotten as
you were, and born into a world as tight and inelastic as was yours.
You have a picture of great things achieved, but Time laughs his
ironical laugh and rolls you in the dust.
You would perhaps the more easily become free and strong if you could
choose your qualities, or regulate the strength of your impulses. But
you cannot even do that. Your ancestors have implanted in you impulses
which very seriously inhibit you and impede you in your grappling
with the world. There is anger which makes you misinterpret people’s
attitudes towards you, and makes you resist when you often should
accept. There is fear, which makes you misinterpret the unfamiliar and
haunts you with its freezing power all through life. There is love,
which ties you irrationally and too strongly first to your mother and
your father, and then to people who have no real part with you. And
there is the swift revulsion into hatred, when the loved one resists or
refuses you. These impulses, which are yours just because you are an
animal, soon become your masters, and further tie your hands in your
response to the bewildering world into which you have come.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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