“Well, but——” “I say, Admiral Bell, how should you like it? I am a harmless country gentleman, and because, in the heated imaginations of some member of a crack-brained family, some housebreaker has been converted into a vampyre, I am to be pitched upon as the man, and insulted and persecuted accordingly.” “But you forget the proofs.” “What proofs?” “The portrait, for one.” “What! Because there is an accidental likeness between me and an old picture, am I to be set down as a vampyre? Why, when I was in Austria last, I saw an old portrait of a celebrated court fool, and you so strongly resemble it, that I was quite struck when I first saw you with the likeness; but I was not so unpolite as to tell you that I considered you were the court fool turned vampyre.” “D—n your assurance!” “And d—n yours, if you come to that.” The admiral was fairly beaten. Sir Francis Varney was by far too long-headed and witty for him. After now in vain endeavouring to find something to say, the old man buttoned up his coat in a great passion, and looking fiercely at Varney, he said,— “I don’t pretend to a gift of the gab. D—n me, it ain’t one of my peculiarities; but though you may talk me down, you sha’n’t keep me down.” “Very good, sir.” “It is not very good. You shall hear from me.” “I am willing.” “I don’t care whether you are willing or not. You shall find that when once I begin to tackle an enemy, I don’t so easily leave him. One or both of us, sir, is sure to sink.” “Agreed.” “So say I. You shall find that I’m a tar for all weathers, and if you were a hundred and fifty vampyres all rolled into one, I’d tackle you somehow.” The admiral walked to the door in high dudgeon; when he was near to it, Varney said, in some of his most winning and gentle accents,— “Will you not take some refreshment, sir before you go from my humble house?” “No!” roared the admiral. “Something cooling?” “No!” “Very good, sir. A hospitable host can do no more than offer to entertain his guests.” Admiral Bell turned at the door, and said, with some degree of intense bitterness, “You look rather poorly. I suppose, to-night, you will go and suck somebody’s blood, you shark—you confounded vampyre! You ought to be made to swallow a red-hot brick, and then let dance about till it digests.” Varney smiled as he rang the bell, and said to a servant,— “Show my very excellent friend Admiral Bell out. He will not take any refreshments.” The servant bowed, and preceded the admiral down the staircase; but, to his great surprise, instead of a compliment in the shape of a shilling or half-a-crown for his pains, he received a tremendous kick behind, with a request to go and take it to his master, with his compliments. [Illustration: Admiral Bell vents his spleen on Varney’s servant.]