Down in the wet he flung his cloak, She stepped across quite dryly, Then with her sweetest smile she spoke, Commending him most highly. “PANSY” RULES AS TO BIRTHDAYS FOR THE BENEFIT OF PARENTS The person whose birthday it happens to be should be allowed to get up when they choose. There should be sausages for breakfast. It seems hardly necessary to point out that there should be no lessons, and no walk. Lunch should be chosen by the birthday person. Sample Menu for a Birthday Lunch:— Roast Chicken. Bread Sauce. Green Peas. Squiggly Potatoes. Trifle, with chocolate éclairs as an alternative. In choosing birthday presents people should remember that the whole point of a present is that it is an extra. Clothes should never be given for birthday presents, because one _has_ to have clothes and it is not at all exciting to be given a pair of stockings. Handkerchiefs do not count as clothes because they are pretty. Some really good entertainment should be arranged for the afternoon. If in London a matinée is suggested, followed by tea at Rumpelmayer’s. Bedtime should come at least two hours later than usual. If only these few simple rules could be committed to memory by those in authority what completely satisfactory occasions birthdays would be. “CHRYSANTHEMUM” [Illustration: BADLY-HEARD SAYINGS: 1. “HITCH YOUR WAGON TO A TAR.”] A FABLE There was once a pine wood on the slope of a hill, and in the middle of the wood was a lovely silver birch which could not grow as it should because the pine trees were so closely packed about it. Instead of being sorry for it, the pine trees were insulting. “What are you doing here anyway?” they said. “You weren’t invited. This is a pine wood. Why aren’t you out there on the common, among the brake fern, with all the others of your finicking useless tribe? Who wants silver birches? They do no good in the world.” And so on. The silver birch, who was a perfect lady, made no reply. And then a war came and it was necessary to get timber for all kinds of purposes, and all over the country the woods were cut down, among them this pine wood, for pine is very useful for planks for building huts. The men came with their axes and felled tree after tree, but when they reached the silver birch they said, “We’ll leave this—it’s no good for timber, and when all these others are gone it will have a chance.” And so it was left, and soon it stood all alone and very beautiful, surrounded by the dead bodies of the unkind pine trees, absolute queen of the hill. Being a perfect lady it still said nothing to them, nor had it even smiled as they tottered and fell. The moral is that every one’s good time _may_ come. “CARNATION” STRAY THOUGHTS ON PARENTS