"They can't starve, the poor things!" answered Fanny immediately up in
arms for the family, her voice rising above Maria's.
Maria familiar with the signs of trouble, lowered her own.
"It's different her coming here," Fanny began after a pause with an
unexpected quiver of the lips.
Maria melted instantaneously, this was so painfully, undeniably the
fact, and pressed Fanny's head against her ample bosom.
"It's different," Fanny repeated and wished it wasn't different.
Suddenly the hunger for Tante Ilde became very insistent, rising up
from far out of those happy days when she had been the prettiest girl
that any one had ever seen, and had picked daisies in Tante Ilde's
garden at Baden and pulled off the petals: "He loves me--loves me
not--not."... And _this_ was what Life was.... Maria could do any
blessed thing she pleased about Tante Ilde. She, Fanny, washed her
hands of the matter.
And even the next morning things weren't any better, and she made
her toilet snapping crossly at Maria, with the corners of her mouth
drawn down, looking fully her age, which though it wasn't great, she
couldn't afford to do ... considering.... And then she had gone out
to the Bristol to the tinkle of her bracelets, and the slightest
rustle of silk, (just enough to let one know somebody was passing,)
her eyes stormily sombre under the drooping plume of her hat, her furs
enveloping her softly, odorously--all in a not unfamiliar, black sea
of depression. That black sea, with no slightest light, that sometimes
threatened to flood up above her red, full mouth, above her small, flat
ears, above her wide, blue eyes, till she was drowned, till she was
dead.... What was the matter that Tante Ilde couldn't walk right in to
her own niece's home? And then, it must be confessed, as she walked
slowly along, she used some expressions in regard to life and living
that she hadn't learned in her father's house.
* * * * *
Fanny had been likened by a foreign friend to one of her own
waltzes,--beautiful and hot, gay and sad, for beneath the passion
and beauty they embody is that ever-recurrent note of melancholy,
woven through each sparkling melody, to be caught up swiftly into the
inevitable coda that for so many of Fanny's kind is the end indeed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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