I shall remember her like that—with the gleam of a smile in her
half-closed eyes, her red lips parted—such a quaint look of mockery,
pleasure, regret, on her little round, upturned face; the room white,
and fresh with flowers, the breeze guttering the apple-leaves against
the window. In the night they had unhooked the violin and taken it away;
she had not missed it.... When Dan came, I gave up my place to him. He
took her hand gently in his great paw, without speaking.
“How small my hand looks there,” she said, “too small.” Dan put it
softly back on the bedclothes and wiped his forehead. Pasiance cried in
a sharp whisper: “Is it so hot in here? I didn't know.” Dan bent down,
put his lips to her fingers and left the room.
The afternoon was long, the longest I've ever spent. Sometimes she
seemed to sleep, sometimes whispered to herself about her mother, her
grandfather, the garden, or her cats—all sorts of inconsequent, trivial,
even ludicrous memories seemed to throng her mind—never once, I think,
did she speak of Zachary, but, now and then, she asked the time.... Each
hour she grew visibly weaker. John Ford sat by her without moving,
his heavy breathing was often the only sound; sometimes she rubbed her
fingers on his hand, without speaking. It was a summary of their lives
together. Once he prayed aloud for her in a hoarse voice; then her
pitiful, impatient eyes signed to me.
“Quick,” she whispered, “I want him; it's all so—cold.”
I went out and ran down the path towards the cove.
Leaning on a gate stood Zachary, an hour before his time; dressed in the
same old blue clothes and leather-peaked cap as on the day when I saw
him first. He knew nothing of what had happened. But at a quarter of the
truth, I'm sure he divined the whole, though he would not admit it to
himself. He kept saying, “It can't be. She'll be well in a few days—a
sprain! D' you think the sea-voyage.... Is she strong enough to be moved
now at once?”
It was painful to see his face, so twisted by the struggle between his
instinct and his vitality. The sweat poured down his forehead. He turned
round as we walked up the path, and pointed out to sea. There was his
steamer. “I could get her on board in no time. Impossible! What is it,
then? Spine? Good God! The doctors.... Sometimes they'll do wonders!” It
was pitiful to see his efforts to blind himself to the reality.
“It can't be, she's too young. We're walking very slow.” I told him she
was dying.
For a second I thought he was going to run away. Then he jerked up his
head, and rushed on towards the house. At the foot of the staircase he
gripped me by the shoulder.
“It's not true!” he said; “she'll get better now I'm here. I'll stay.
Let everything go. I'll stay.”
“Now's the time,” I said, “to show you loved her. Pull yourself
together, man!” He shook all over.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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