Marriage -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction; Wives -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
When he had gone, she moved the night lamp to the corner of the
washstand, and after swallowing hastily a cup of coffee which Marthy had
brought to her before the doctor's visit, and which had grown quite
tepid and unpalatable, she resumed her patient watch under the raised
end of the sheet. The whole of life, the whole of the universe even, had
narrowed down for her into that faint circle of light which the lamp
drew around Harry's little bed. It was as if this narrow circle beat
with a separate pulse, divided from the rest of existence by its
intense, its throbbing vitality. Here was concentrated for her all that
the world had to offer of hope, fear, rapture, or anguish. The
littleness and the terrible significance of the individual destiny were
gathered into that faintly quivering centre of space--so small a part of
the universe, and yet containing the whole universe within itself!
Outside, in the street, she could see a half-bared bough of the mulberry
tree, arching against a square of window, from which the white curtains
were drawn back; and in order to quiet her broken and disjointed
thoughts, she began to count the leaves as they fell, one by one,
turning softly at the stem, and then floating out into the darkness
beyond. "One. Two. How long that leaf takes to loosen. He is better. The
doctor certainly thought that he was better. If he only gets well. O
God, let him get well, and I will serve you all my life!
Three--four--five--For twenty-four hours we thought you would slip
through our fingers. Somebody said that--somebody--it must have been the
doctor. And he was talking of me, not of Harry. That was twenty-six
years ago, and my mother was enduring then all this agony that I am
feeling to-night. Twenty-six years ago--perhaps at this very hour, she
sat beside me alone as I am sitting now by Harry. And before that other
women went through it. All the world over, wherever there are
mothers--north, south, east, west--from the first baby that was born on
the earth--they have every one suffered what I am suffering now--for it
is the pang of motherhood! To escape it one must escape birth and escape
the love that is greater than one's self." And she understood suddenly
that suffering and love are inseparable, that when one loves another
more than one's self, one has opened the gate by which anguish will
enter. She had forgotten to count the leaves, and when she remembered
and looked again, the last one had fallen. Against the parted white
curtains, the naked bough arched black and solitary. Even the small
silent birds that had swayed dejectedly to and fro on the branches all
day had flown off into the darkness. Presently, the light in the window
went out, and as the hours wore on, a fine drizzling rain began to fall,
as soft as tears, from the starless sky over the mulberry tree. A sense
of isolation greater than any she had ever known attacked her like a
physical chill, and rising, she went over to the fire and stirred the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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