THE CHATTY O. G. I've just been having a talk with the policeman at the corner there--what do you think I said to him? HIS OPPOSITE NEIGHBOUR. I--I really don't know. THE C. O. G. Well, I told him he was a rich man compared to me. He said "I only get thirty shillings a week, Sir." "Ah," I said, "but look at your expenses, compared to mine. What would _you_ do if you had to spend eight hundred a year on your children's education?" I spend that--every penny of it, Sir. HIS OPP. N. (_utterly uninterested_). Do you indeed?--dear me! C. O. G. Not that I grudge it--a good education is a fortune in itself, and as I've always told my boys, they must make the best of it, for it's all they'll get. They're good enough lads, but I've had a deal of trouble with them one way and another--a _deal_ of trouble. (_Pauses for some expression of sympathy--which does not come--and he continues_:) There are my two eldest sons--what must they do but fall in love with the same lady--the same lady, Sir! (_No one seems to care much for these domestic revelations--possibly because they are too_ _obviously addressed to the general ear_). And, to make matters worse, she was a married woman--(_his principal hearer looks another way uneasily_)--the wife of a godson of mine, which made it all the more awkward, y'know. (HIS OPPOSITE NEIGHBOUR _giving no sign, the_ C. O. G. _tries one Passenger after another_.) Well, I went to him--(_here he fixes an old Lady, who immediately passes up coppers out of her glove to the_ CONDUCTOR)--I went to him, and said--(_addressing a smartly dressed young Lady with a parcel who giggles_)--I said, "You're a man of the world--so am I. Don't you take any notice," I told him--(_this to a callow young man, who blushes_)--"they're a couple of young fools," I said, "but you tell your dear wife from me not to mind those boys of mine--they'll soon get tired of it if they're only let alone." And so they would have, long ago, it's my belief, if they'd met with no encouragement--but what can _I_ do--it's a heavy trial to a father, you know. Then there's my third son--he must needs go and marry--(_to a Lady at his side with a reticule, who gasps faintly_)--some young woman who dances at a Music-hall--nice daughter-in-law that for a man in my position, eh? I've forbidden him the house of course, and told his mother not to have any communication with him--but I know, Sir,--(_violently, to a Man on his other side, who coughs in much embarrassment_)--I _know_ she meets him once a week under the eagle in Orme Square, and _I_ can't stop her! Then I'm worried about my daughters--one of 'em gave me no peace till I let her have some painting lessons--of course, I naturally thought the drawing-master would be an elderly man--whereas, as things turned out,---- A QUIET MAN IN A CORNER. I 'ope you told all this to the Policeman, Sir?