AN IRISH PATRIOT. I've often harrd tell, Gintlemen, of a certain stra-ange animal they carl a "Conservative Warkin-Man" (_Roars of_ _laughter_). A Warkin-Man a Conservative! Why, bliss me sowl, the thing's absurd! There niver _was_ such a purrson in this Warld. A Conservative Warkin-Man! why--(_takes refuge in profanity_). If there was why don't we iver hear 'um in an assimbly of this sort? Why hasn't he the common manly courage to come forward and defind his opinions? _We'd_ hear 'um, Gintlemen. It's the proud boast of Radicals and Republikins that they'd give free speech and a fair hearin' to ivery man, no matter hwhat his opinions are, but ye'll niver see 'um stip farward at ahl--and hwhy? A DECENT MECHANIC. Well, look 'ere, mate, _I'm_ a Conservative Working-Man, if ye'd like to know, and I ain't afraid to defend my opinions. Come now! THE CHAIRMAN (_somewhat taken aback_). Well, Friends, while I conduct this chair, I can promise this man a puffickly fair 'earin', and I'm sure you will listen to him patiently, whatever you may think of his arguments. (_Cries of 'Ear--'ear! "Fair play hall the world hover!" "We'll listen to him quiet enough!"_) First of all, I must be satisfied that our Friend is what he professes to be. We want no Sham Workin'-men _'ere_. [_Brandishes a foot-rule in evidence of the genuineness of his own claims._ THE D. M. Am I a workin'-man? Well, I've made ladies' boots at sixpence an hour for three years--d'ye call that bein' a Workin' Man? I've soled and 'eeled while you wait in a stall near Southwark Bridge seven years an' a arf! Praps you'll call _that_ a Workin'-Man? (_Cries of "Keep to the Point!"_) Oh, I'll keep to the point right enough. There's this Irishman here been a tellin' of you 'ow wrong it is to turn his countrymen out of their 'ouses when they don't pay their rent. Ain't _we_ turned out of our 'ouses, if we don't pay ourn? 'Oo snivels over _hus_? THE I. P. No personalities now! It's my belief ye're a Landlord yerself! [_Uproar._ THE D. M. I _told_ yer ye wouldn't 'ear me now! A SOCIALIST (_in a stentorian voice_). Feller Demmercrats, as an ex-Fenian and an ex-Convict, I implore you--give this man a hearin'! THE D. M. Then about this Royal Grant. (_Cries of "Shut up!" "Go 'ome!" "Don't tork nonsense!"_) If you're going to 'ave a King and Queen at all--(_Cries of "We ain't! Down with 'em!"_) Ah, then I s'pose you're going to put up fellers like 'im (_pointing to the Socialist_), and 'im (_pointing to Chairman_), and 'im! [_Uproar._ [Illustration: "SHOW IT NOW, BY PUTTING MONEY IN THIS 'AT!"] THE SOCIALIST. Fellow-Citizens, I appeal to you, give this man rope--he's doing our work splendidly! THE D. M. Well, all I've got to say is----(_Shouts of "Get down!" Yells and booing_). Oh, you won't tire me out that way. All _I_ can say is, I'd a precious sight rather---- THE CHAIRMAN (_excitedly_). Fellow citizens, we've listened to this man long enough--these sentiments are an insult to the meeting!