Waiting for an Omnibus in the Lowther Arcade on a Rainy Day: A Farce, in One ActMorton, John Maddison
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Waiting for an Omnibus in the Lowther Arcade on a Rainy Day: A Farce, in One Act
Morton, John Maddison
English drama -- 19th century; Farces; London (England) -- Drama
on—yours included”— Mine! my ninety-seven ten! that scoundrel Dibbs!
(_reading again hurriedly_) “he means to be off by the rail”— Jacob’s a
clever fellow! (_reads_) “but I don’t know which”— Jacob’s an ass!
(_reads_) “but this I do know, that if you want to get your money
back”— Want my ninety-seven ten? Of course I do! “be at his house in
Arabella Row, Pimlico, before three o’clock and you’ll nab him.” Before
three o’clock— (_hastily pulls out watch_) come, I’ve plenty of time,
that’s one comfort—I’ll jump into a cab at once, drive to— Stop—I’ve
only got a fourpenny-piece in my pocket, and I don’t suppose any cabman
would take me two miles and a half for that—I have it, I’ll jump into a
Pimlirow Omnibus—get down at the corner of Arabellaco, and come down
upon Dibbs like a thunderbolt. (_looking out_) Ah! yes—there’s an
omnibus! here! stop! conductor!
_Puts up his umbrella and forces his way through CROWD at L.—and then
heard outside._
Here! Pimlico! stop! stop!
_Re-enter MRS. JELLICOE and FANNY from R._
MRS. J. Rain or not, we must go now, my dear; indeed we must!
O’WALKER. (_outside_) Now then, if you’ll allow me.
_Re-enters, with his umbrella up._
Full, of course; and, strange to say, there wasn’t a lady would get
outside to accommodate me. They positively refused, every one of them—I
don’t know why they should, but they did!
FANNY. (_seeing him_) Why, I do declare, mamma, there’s Mr. O’Walker!
MRS. J. So it is! How fortunate, to be sure! My dear Mr. O’Walker!
O’WALKER. Mrs. Jellicoe! Miss Fanny, too! (_passing his umbrella, which
is still open, from one hand to the other as he shakes hands with
them_) I was that moment thinking of you—I was indeed, my dear Mrs.
Pimlico—I mean Jellicoe. (_aside_) That ruffian Dibbs! (_aloud_) And
how’s my Arabella—I mean my Fanny? (_aside, and looking at his watch_)
A quarter to two.
MRS. J. Here’s a dreadful day, Mr. O’Walker; but it can’t be helped.
O’WALKER. No—I believe the only thing to be done is, what they do in
Spain when it rains.
MRS. J. And what’s that?
O’WALKER. Why, they let it rain!—I don’t know why they should, but they
do!
MRS. J. Ha, ha, ha!—you’re a funny creature! besides, as the old joke
says, it suits the ducks.
O’WALKER. Not mine! (_showing his splashed trousers_)
FANNY. Ha! ha!
O’WALKER. Don’t laugh, Miss Fanny; ducks are no joke I can tell you,
and so you’ll find when the washing bills come in—after we are married;
by-the-bye, suppose we wash at home? I appeal to you, Mrs.
Jellicoe—you’re a woman of experience in household matters, you’ve been
washed by other people, and you’ve washed yourself—now which do you
recommend?
MRS. J. You’ll find washing at home a great nuisance.
O’WALKER. Perhaps; but I’d put up with a great deal for two pair of
ducks a-week.
MRS. J. Suppose we get the home first? By-the-bye, we’ve just seen such
a love of a loo table— (_taking O’WALKER’S arm_) haven’t we, Fanny?
O’WALKER. Have you though?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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