Ven you tinks dis beeg var vill get done? (Dat's de ting you hear efryone say.) Britty soon vill dey lay down de gun, So I home mit Katrina can shtay? Vell, I tells you mine friends, vot I tink, Dat de Kaiser don't know, nor de Czar, So I shpeak mit dat feller, Von Krink, Shoost how soon ve can settle dis var. "Ve vill not shtop de fight," said Von Krink "Till de Kaiser climbs down from his throne All dot Wilhelmstrasse bunch, I don't tink, Haf deir backs mitout moss ofergrown. Ve vill take back de Heligoland, Und dose Krupp vorks to bieces vill shmash, Ve vill shpoil all dose profits so grand, Und Miss Bertha can cook her own hash." "Und dose blaces vay out in de sun, Vere de Kaiser such goot money shpends, John Bull vill shoost tink it fine fun To divide dem around mit his friends, Ve vill take all de Kaiser's beeg ships, Ve vill make free de Kiel canal Und de Shermans must pass oudt de chips Ven dey lose de beeg jack-pot next fall. "Den berhaps if dey're getting too gay, Ve vill bang dem a couple of times; Dat already might be de best way, For to settle dose submarine crimes. Ven ve get all dose leetle chores done, Und some more ve can't tink about yet, Ve vill hang up de sword und de gun. But not von minute sooner, you bet!" THE KAISER AGAIN CONSULTS FRITZ Mine dear Fritz,--Your advice ven I take, Und I try dot goot beace talk to shtart, Den dose fellers all call it a fake, For dey say it don't come from mine heart; Vat's de ting to do next, I don't know, Mit dose bull-headed English und French, Dey shoost tink dey're de whole of de show Since they pounded us oudt of some trench. Dey are licking us now britty fast, Like I nefer could tink dey vill do, Mit beeg guns dey now haf us out-classed, Und mit airships und teufel tanks too. Ve must all de hard hammering take For dose Bulgars und Turks vas no goot, Seems like now von beeg blunder ve make Und de game ve haf not undershtoodt. Ven ve tink ve vill get some more oil, Und de oats, und potatoes, and meat, All dose tings de Roumanians shpoil Shoost so soon as ve make dem redreat; Und mine shlack brudder, Tino of Greece, He gets batted all ofer der ground, Ven he shtrikes he goes oudt on first base, Und makes nefer de run all around. Britty soon, Fritz, ve someting must do, Or already ve all vill be killed, For dose English haf put on de screw Und our stomachs are nefer half filled. Vat you tink of dis plan, mine dear Fritz, In mine head dat already I get, Dat I take back again Von Tirpitz, Und Herr Teufel in partnership yet? FRITZ WARNS THE KAISER