Wastralls: A NovelDawson Scott, C. A. (Catharine Amy)
General
Wastralls: A Novel
Dawson Scott, C. A. (Catharine Amy)
Cornwall (England : County) -- Fiction; Farm life -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction
His glance swung from side to side, questioning the friendly faces of
the furniture, pausing eventually on the still swinging door. That
door, yes. He considered its dark oblong and shining handle. The round
brass knob, bright in the general dimness, a tiny moon against the
blackness of the door, drew him; yet, deep in himself, was a stiff
reluctance. He groped in the confusion of his mind for understanding,
until suddenly, like an Icelandic geyser, memory tore its way out.
He remembered! They—a vague they of several personalities—had goaded
him to desperation. He saw himself crossing a room, taking a bottle out
of the cupboard, pouring the contents into a jug. One moment he had
been innocent of this tremendous act, in the next it was accomplished.
He stood amazed at this new vision of himself, the doer of deeds. The
lack of hesitation, the steadiness, the decision surprised him. He had
not known of what he was capable and, for a moment, he was wholly
pleased.
Further recollections showed a falling off. He had become gradually
conscious of guilt, he had grovelled in superstitious terror. Guilt?
He shook his head, like a dog shaking drops of water from its coat. A
man may do what he can. His deeds are between him and his soul; and the
fear of punishment is a survival from the times when he was subservient
to the will of another. Whatever the quality of a man’s deeds, the
doing of them proves him. Byron, his back to the dying fire, his dark
head rising above the mantelshelf, drew himself up. He had been
humiliated and he resented it. Living by faith, he had long cherished
the difficult belief that of the two personalities, his and Sabina’s,
his was the stronger. True, he had wasted his energies in a daydream
while she ordered their lives; but he had known that this must come to
an end and, behold, when the crucial moment arrived, he had played a
man’s part. If she were able to see the past in true perspective she
must acknowledge the provocation given; must see that he had been
driven, that no other course was open to him. A longer endurance on his
part would have been weakness and would have justified her in
withholding the land. She must, at long last, see how wrongly she had
acted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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