Cambridge (England) -- Fiction; College teachers -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Marriage -- Fiction
"Well," said Howard, smiling, "you are two very wonderful women, and
that's the truth. I am not surprised at YOUR wisdom--it IS
wisdom--because you have lived very bravely and loved many people; but
it's amazing to me to find such courage and understanding in a girl. Of
course you have helped her--but I don't think you could have produced
such thoughts in her unless they had been there to start with."
"That's exactly what I have tried to say," said Mrs. Graves. "Where did
Maud's fine mixture of feeling and commonsense come from? Her mother
was a woman of some perception, but after all she married Frank, and
Frank with all his virtue isn't a very mature spirit!"
"Ah," said Howard, "my marriage has done everything for me! What a
blind, complacent, petty ass I was--and am too, though I at least
perceive it! I see myself as an elderly donkey, braying and capering
about in a paddock--and someone leans over the fence, and all is
changed. I ought not to think lightly of mysteries, when all this
astonishing conspiracy has taken place round me, to give me a home and
a wife and a whole range of new emotions--how Maud came to care for me
is still the deepest wonder of all--a loveless prig like me!"
"I won't be understood to subscribe to all that," said Mrs. Graves,
laughing, "though I see your point of view; but there's something
deeper even than that, dear Howard. You care for me, you care for Maud;
but it's the power of caring that matters more than the power of caring
for particular people. Does that seem a very hard saying? You see I do
not believe--what do you say to this--in memory lasting. You and I love
each other here and now; when I die, I do not feel sure that I shall
have any recollection of you or Maud or my own dear husband--how
horrible that would sound to many men and nearly all women--but I have
learned how to love, and you have learned how to love, and we shall
find other souls to draw near to as the ages go on; and so I look
forward to death calmly enough, because whatever I am I shall have
souls to love, and I shall find souls to love me."
"No," said Howard, "I can't believe that! I can't believe in any life
here or hereafter apart from Maud. It is strange that I should be the
sentimentalist now, and you the stern sceptic. The thought to me is
infinitely dreary--even atrocious."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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