WaynfleteColeridge, Christabel R. (Christabel Rose)
General
Waynflete
Coleridge, Christabel R. (Christabel Rose)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Constancy read this letter through with burning cheeks, and feelings in
her heart that showed themselves as impatient anger. She quite
understood it, and Godfrey stood out before her mental vision, vivid and
picturesque with his single aim, and his single heart. But her soul
rebelled against the demand on her sympathy. Like all people of strong
imagination, she was a moral coward; to enter into the depths of such
passionate remorse--such devotion of purpose, was too serious, too
absorbing a thing. To realise it, so as to say anything real about it,
demanded too much, and she scorned such unreality as she recognised.
She knew that an appeal had been made to her, not so much for her love,
as for the support of her comprehension. She could not say soft,
unmeaning words; she knew what was asked of her much too well. She
could have comprehended him and helped him through, but, "I don't
believe in the need of it all!" she said to herself. "He had much
better forget all about it, and turn away to something fresh. I don't
want to go down into the depths with him. I want my own soul to
myself."
So she got a little sheet of rough, square paper, and wrote upon it a
little note in the individual characteristic hand which was like nobody
else's.
"Dear Mr Waynflete,--
"I was extremely sorry to hear of dear Mrs Waynflete's death. I never
knew any one like her, and she was very kind to me. I can't think that
she would have altered her intentions at the last moment, though I am
sure you must be very sorry to have prevented your brother from coming
to her sooner. I hope he will soon be quite well again. I never think
there is much good in dwelling on things that are over and done with.
Do you think anything ever matters quite as much as one thinks it does?
I cannot pretend to be so constant to the past. And blaming one's self
only makes one stupid and spoils one's future chances. All sorts of new
things will be sure to happen, and whatever is, is likely to be just as
right as anything else.
"Yours truly,--
"Constancy Vyner."
"There! It would be rather horrid of me not to write," she thought, as
she directed the rough square envelope, "but I couldn't enter into all
those desperate heroics." Yet all the while she was preaching new
things, the image of such a desperate hero was forcing itself on her
imagination, a story built itself up in her mind, in which the nobleness
of such a single aim, the grandeur of such depth of feeling was shown in
clear, strong outline. But in real life the type was too inconvenient.
Perhaps it was in defiance of an uneasy conscience, to prove to herself
her own self-satisfaction, that she showed Florella the letter, and
described her answer to it.
"Why don't you speak, Flo?" she said impatiently. "You make my soul
wriggle before you. What have I done?"
"Nothing, it seems," answered Florella, in sombre tones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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