Downstairs in the hall the controller sat at a small table,
constantly looking at her watch and recording the Numbers who were
leaving. Her name is U- ... well, I prefer not to give her Number,
for I fear I may not write kindly about her. Although, as a matter
of fact, she is a very respectable, mature woman. The only thing I
do not like in her is that her cheeks fold down a little like gills
of a fish (although I do not see anything wrong in this appearance).
She scratched with her pen and I saw on the page "D-503"--and
suddenly, splash! an ink-blot. No sooner did I open my mouth to call
her attention to that, than she raised her head and blotted me with
an inky smile. "There is a letter for you. You will receive it,
dear. Yes, yes, you will."
I knew a letter, after she had read it, must go through the Bureau
of the Guardians (I think it is unnecessary to explain in detail
this natural order of things); I would receive it not later than
twelve o'clock. But that tiny smile confused me; the drop of ink
clouded the transparency of the distilled solution. At the dock of
the _Integral_ I could not concentrate; I even made a mistake in my
calculations,--that never happened to me before.
At twelve o'clock, again the rosy-brown fish-gills' smile, and at
last the letter was in my hands. I cannot say why I did not read
it right there, but I put it in my pocket and ran into my room.
I opened it and glanced it over and ... and sat down. It was the
official notification advising me that Number I-330 had had me
assigned to her and that today at twenty-one o'clock, I was to go to
her. Her address was given.
"No! After all that happened! After I showed her frankly my attitude
toward her! Besides, how could she know that I did not go to the
Bureau of the Guardians? She had no way of knowing that I was ill
and could not.... And despite all this...."
A dynamo was whirling and buzzing in my head. Buddha ... yellow
... lilies-of-the-valley ... rosy crescent.... Besides,--besides,
O- wanted to come to see me today! I am sure she would not believe
(how could one believe), that I had absolutely nothing to do with
the matter, that ... I am sure also that we (O- and I) will have
a difficult, foolish and absolutely illogical conversation. No,
anything but that! Let the situation solve itself mechanically; I
shall send her a copy of this official communication.
While I was hastily putting the paper in my pocket, I noticed my
terrible ape-like hand. I remembered how that day during our walk,
she took my hand and looked at it. Is it possible that she really
... that she....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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