There is a fearful smell in the house just now, and my wife is astonished that I do not like it. It smells to me like the stuff I use for rheumatism; it is furniture polish, and women seem to revel in it. Sometimes the aroma is changed to ammonia or spirit of salt; but the blends are all sickening to me, and it permeates the house to such an extent as to make everything one eats seem flavoured with it. I am quite lame with bruising my legs on fenders, &c., which stick out in all unexpected places; and as I couldn't get a comfortable seat in the house I sauntered along to the club, where I met Watson, and was narrating my troubles to him, when he said, "Oh, man, they're all the same just now,"--meaning women. "I'll tell you what," he continued confidentially; "what do you say to a few days fishing?" I thought it a first-rate idea, but did not know what my wife would say, as the last time I went with Watson I stupidly left the hotel bill in my pocket; but my wife didn't, and told me I should be ashamed, as there was more for beer and whisky than for our food, and she could have got a bonnet or something with half of what I had, what she termed, "thrown away on drink." I told Watson I would see--with the mental reservation, my wife--and let him know in the morning. Watson seemed to be reading my thoughts, for he said, "They'll be glad to get rid of you at home." [Illustration: TWO HAPPY HUSBANDS _By R. B. Nisbet, R.S.A._] I did not think my wife would have cared to let me go again with Watson, for she thinks he makes me drink more than I otherwise would, and I know Watson's wife thinks I lead her husband astray in the same manner; but to my surprise there was no objection offered. On the contrary, I was told that I would be the better of a rest. I may be wrong, but I felt that it was said in a tone which implied, "Thank goodness, we'll get rid of him, and then we won't have to bother about dinner." At any rate we're both pleased, and there will be two happy husbands enjoying fresh air, and two insanely happy wives revelling in turpentine and bathbrick to-morrow. Watson gave me a tip which I must not forget: he said, "Mind, when you go home, to take notice of the great improvements, though you won't see any difference." And another thing I must mind, is to burn the hotel bill. A MARRIAGE