What I Remember, Volume 1Trollope, Thomas Adolphus
History
What I Remember, Volume 1
Trollope, Thomas Adolphus
Authors, English -- 19th century -- Biography; Trollope, Thomas Adolphus, 1810-1892
What so grievously changed him? I do not believe that he was soured by
pecuniary misfortune, though he had more than enough. His first great
misfortune--the marriage of his old widower uncle, whose heir he was to
have been--was, I have the means of knowing, borne by him well, bravely
and with dignity. I believe that he was destroyed mind and body by
calomel, habitually used during long years.
Throughout life he was a laborious and industrious man. I have seen few
things of the kind with more of pathos in it than his persevering
attempt to render his labour of some value by compiling a dictionary of
ecclesiastical terms. He had quite sufficient learning and sufficient
industry to have produced an useful book upon the subject if he had only
had the possibility of consulting the, of course, almost innumerable
necessary authorities. The book was published in quarto by subscription,
and two or three parts of it had been delivered to the subscribers when
death delivered him from his thankless labour and his subscribers from
further demands on their purses. I do not suppose that any human being
purchased the book because they wished to possess it. And truly, as I
have said, it was a pathetic thing to see him in his room at Château
d’Hondt, ill, suffering, striving with the absolutely miserable,
ridiculously insufficient means he had been able with much difficulty to
collect, to carry on his work. He was dying--he must, I think, have
known that he was; he had not got beyond D in his dictionary; all the
alphabet was before him, but he would not give up; he would labour to
the last. My mother was labouring hard, and her labour was earning all
that supplied very abundantly the needs of the whole family. And I
cannot help thinking that a painful but not ignoble feeling urged my
poor father to live at least equally laborious days, even though his
labour was profitless.
Poor father! My thoughts as I followed him to the grave were that I had
not done all that I might have done to alleviate the burthen of
unhappiness that was laid upon him. Yet looking back on it all from the
vantage-ground of my own old age (some fifteen years greater than that
which he attained) I do not see or think that any conduct of mine would
have made matters better for him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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