This little incident, though by no means remarkable in itself, suddenly
showed me the work I was about to undertake in an entirely new light,
especially after what I had seen on the other side of the
courtyard,--the scolding woman, the light-hearted old man, and the
sliding boys. I had meditated doing good to these people by the help of
the rich men of Moscow. I now realized, for the first time, that all
these poor unfortunates, whom I had been wishing to help, had, besides
the time they spent suffering from cold and hunger in waiting to get a
lodging, several hours daily to get through, and that they must somehow
fill up the rest of the twenty-four hours of every day,--a whole life,
of which I had never thought before. I realized now, for the first time,
that all these people, besides the mere effort to find food and shelter
from the cold, must live through the rest of every day of their life as
other people have to do, must get angry at times, and be dull, and try
to appear light-hearted, and be sad or merry. Now, for the first time
(however strange the confession may sound), I was fully aware that the
task which I was undertaking could not simply consist in feeding and
clothing a thousand people (just as one might feed a thousand head of
sheep, and drive them into shelter), but must develop some more
essential help. When I considered that each one of these individuals was
just another man like myself, possessing also a past history, with the
same passions, temptations, and errors, the same thoughts, the same
questions to be answered, then suddenly the work before me appeared
stupendous and I felt my own utter helplessness;--but it had begun and I
was resolved to go on.
CHAPTER V
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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