One needs only to be dressed respectably in order to call on a
well-known person who is kindly disposed toward him; another requires
only to be dressed, have his debts paid, and go to some town or other; a
third wants to take his effects out of pawn, and get a small sum to
carry on a law-suit, which must be decided in his favour, and then all
will be well again. All say that they have need of some external
circumstance in order to regain that position which they think natural
and happy.
If I had not been blinded by my pride in being a benefactor, I should
have needed only to look a little closer into their faces, young and
old, which were generally weak, sensual, but kind, in order to
understand that their misfortunes could not be met by external means;
that they could be happy in no position while their present conception
of life remained the same; that they were by no means peculiar people in
peculiarly unhappy circumstances, but that they were like all other men,
ourselves included.
I remember well how my intercourse with men of this class was
particularly trying to me. I now understand why it was so. In them I saw
my own self as in a mirror. If I had considered carefully my own life
and the lives of people of my own class, I should have seen that between
us and these unfortunate men there existed no essential difference.
Those who live around me in expensive suites of apartments and houses of
their own in the best streets of the city, eating something better than
liver or herring with their bread, are none the less unhappy. They also
are discontented with their lot, regret the past, and desire a happier
future, precisely as did the wretched tenants of the Rzhanoff Houses.
Both wished to be worked less and to be worked for more, the difference
between them being only in degrees of idleness.
Unfortunately, I did not see this at first, nor did I understand that
such people needed to be relieved, not by my charity, but from their own
false views of the world; and that to change a man's estimate of life he
must be given one more accurate than his own, which, unhappily, not
possessing myself, I could not communicate to others.
These men were unhappy not because, to use an illustration, they were
without nourishing food, but because their stomachs were spoiled; and
they required, not nourishment, but a tonic. I did not see that in order
to help them, it was not necessary to give them food but to teach them
how to eat. Though I am anticipating, I must say that of all these
people whose names I put down I did not in reality help one,
notwithstanding that everything some of them had desired was done to
relieve them. Of these I became acquainted with three men in particular.
All three, after many failures and much assistance, are now in the same
position they were in three years ago.
CHAPTER VIII
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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