What Will He Do with It? — Volume 03Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
General
What Will He Do with It? — Volume 03
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
English fiction -- 19th century
Meanwhile the Comedian had made himself and Sir Isaac extremely
comfortable. No unabstemious man by habit was Gentleman Waife. He could
dine on a crust, and season it with mirth; and as for exciting drinks,
there was a childlike innocence in his humour never known to a brain that
has been washed in alcohol. But on this special occasion, Waife's heart
was made so bounteous by the novel sense of prosperity that it compelled
him to treat himself. He did honour to the grilled chicken to which he
had vainly tempted Sophy. He ordered half a pint of port to be mulled
into negus. He helped himself with a bow, as if himself were a guest,
and nodded each time he took off his glass, as much as to say, "Your
health, Mr. Waife!" He even offered a glass of the exhilarating draught
to Sir Isaac, who, exceedingly offended, retreated under the sofa, whence
he peered forth through his deciduous ringlets, with brows knit in grave
rebuke. Nor was it without deliberate caution--a whisker first, and then
a paw--that he emerged from his retreat, when a plate heaped with the
remains of the feast was placed upon the hearth-rug.
The supper over, and the attendant gone, the negus still left, Waife
lighted his pipe, and, gazing on Sir Isaac, thus addressed that canine
philosopher: "Illustrious member of the Quadrupedal Society of Friends to
Man, and, as possessing those abilities for practical life which but few
friends to man ever display in his service, promoted to high rank--
Commissary-General of the Victualling Department, and Chancellor of the
Exchequer--I have the honour to inform you that a vote of thanks in your
favour has been proposed in this house, and carried unanimously." Sir
Isaac, looking shy, gave another lick to the plate, and wagged his tail.
"It is true that thou wert once (shall I say it?) in fault at 'Beauty and
Worth,'--thy memory deserted thee; thy peroration was on the verge of a
breakdown; but 'Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit, I as the Latin
grammar philosophically expresseth it. Mortals the wisest, not only on
two legs but even upon four, occasionally stumble. The greatest general,
statesman, sage, is not he who commits no blunder, but he who best
repairs a blunder and converts it to success. This was thy merit and
distinction! It hath never been mine! I recognize thy superior genius.
I place in thee unqualified confidence; and consigning thee to the arms
of Morpheus, since I see that panegyric acts on thy nervous system as a
salubrious soporific, I now move that this House do resolve itself into a
Committee of Ways and Means for the Consideration of the Budget!"
Therewith, while Sir Isaac fell into a profound sleep the Comedian
deliberately emptied his pockets on the table; and arranging gold and
silver before him, thrice carefully counted the total, and then divided
it into sundry small heaps.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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