What will they say at Brompton? A Comedetta, in One Act.Coyne, J. Stirling (Joseph Stirling)
General
What will they say at Brompton? A Comedetta, in One Act.
Coyne, J. Stirling (Joseph Stirling)
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
_Points pistol at him_, _and exits_, R. D. 2 E.
TODD. Hold! You’re never going to roast me alive—to leave me to grill
my own bones. Hollo! this is murder. Ho! Somebody! Help! Is there no
way of escape? (_runs to the several doors_—_opens them_, _and discovers
fire in each_) Hoh! Police! Police! Help! I’m beginning to singe
already! Oh! if I had had the luck to be born a salamander! Oh! Hah! a
thought—the rope ladder from the window—that way is open!
(_goes towards window_, _when_ GRIMBALDI _appears outside on the ladder_,
_menacing_ TODD _with his stiletto_)
Ah! (_staggers back_)
GRIM. I told you I would be revenged! I’ve kept my word! Ha, ha, ha,
ha!
TODD. Remorseless demon!
(GRIMBALDI _disappears_, _and flames appear at the back through window_)
TODD. Oh! (_drops into chair_, C.) I shall be broiled alive! phew! I’m
stifled! help! murder! (_starts up again_) Hoh! water! water! air! oh!
two wives! two—too much—ooh! h—he—lp!
(_the smoke appears to fill the room_, _and conceals him from the view of
the audience_; _after a short interval the smoke clears gradually away_;
_the Scene sinks_, _and changes to_)
SCENE III.
_Todd’s Parlour in Cozy Cottage_.—(_Same as Scene I_.)
TODD _is discovered asleep_, _as at the close of the first scene_; _the
candles which were then long_, _have burnt down in the sockets_.
TODD. Call the police! call the fire brigade! help! help! murder!—two
wives—Marietta—Mrs. Todd—murder—bigamy—
_Enter_ MRS. TODD _hastily_, (_dressed as in Scene I_.) R. 1 E.
MRS. T. Samuel, my dear, what’s the matter?
TODD. Murder! Cospetto! Maladetta!
MRS. T. Why, Samuel, Samuel! (_shaking him_) You’re asleep—waken—will
you—you’ve slept here all night.
TODD. (_starts up and staggers about_) Hoh! help—police—fire—water—she’s
a rattlesnake—a fiend—a demon—a—Lau—Laura—
MRS. T. (_holding and shaking him_) Todd—Todd—Samuel!
TODD. (_becoming conscious and rubbing his eyes_) Hoh! what? Bless me!
where am I?
MRS. T. (R.) Where should you be but in your own parlour?
TODD. (L.) My own parlour? And you are—
MRS. T. Don’t you see—I’m your own Laura—your dear wife?
TODD. My wife! but where’s the other? Where’s my rattlesnake?
MRS. T. Why, Sam, you’re not awake yet—you’re still dreaming. You would
sit up last night over those papers, (_goes to table_, C.) and you’ve
been smoking a filthy cigar.
TODD. An opium cigar! that’s it! Then I’m not a brigand with two wives!
Laura, my love, come to the arms of your doting husband. (_they
embrace_—_door bell rings outside_)
MRS. T. There’s the policeman who was to ring the bell at five o’clock.
You know we start at six.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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