When Men Grew Tall, or The Story of Andrew JacksonLewis, Alfred Henry
History
When Men Grew Tall, or The Story of Andrew Jackson
Lewis, Alfred Henry
Jackson, Andrew, 1767-1845
In short, the horse-faced Andy discovers the region to be a very Arcadia
for debtors. Their credit is without a limit and their debts are never
due. He resolves to disturb these commercial Arcadians; he will break
upon them as a Satan of solvency come to trouble their debt paradise.
The horse-faced Andy, as has been noted, is Scotch-Irish. Being Irish,
his honor is as sensitive and his soul as warlike as are those of
the most debt-eaten individual along the Cumberland. Being Scotch, he
believes debts should be paid, and holds that a creditor may ask for
his money without forfeiting life. He urges these views in tavern and
street; and thereupon the creditors, taking heart, come to him with
their claims. He accepts the trusts thus proffered; as a corollary,
having now flown in the face of the militant debtor class, he is soon to
prove his manhood.
The horse-faced Andy files a declaration for a client, on a mixed claim
based upon bacon, molasses and rum. The defendant, a personage yclept
Irad Miller, genus debtor, species keel boatman, is a very patrician
among bankrupts, boasting that he owes more and pays less than any
man south of the Ohio river. Also, having been already offended by the
foppish frivolity of that ruffled shirt and grass-green surtout, he is
outraged now, when the ruffled grass-green one brings suit against him.
Breathing fire and smoke, the insulted Irad lowers his horns, and starts
for the horse-faced Andy. His methods at this crisis are characteristic
of the Cumberland; he merely grinds the horse-faced Andy's polished boot
beneath his heel, mentioning casually the while that he himself is “half
hoss, half alligator,” and can drink the Cumberland dry at a draught.
This is fighting talk, and the horse-faced Andy so accepts it. He
surveys the truculent Irad with the cautious tail of his eye, and finds
him discouragingly tall and broad and thick. The survey takes time, but
the injured Irad prevents it being wasted by again grinding the polished
toes.
Andy the strategic suddenly seizes a rail from the nearby fence, and
charges the indebted one. The end of the rail strikes that insolvent
in what is vulgarly known as the pit of the stomach, and doubles him up
like a two-foot rule. At that, he who is “half hoss, half alligator,”
gives forth a screech of which an injured wild cat might be proud, and
perceiving the rail poised for a second charge makes off. This small
adventure gives the horse-faced Andy station, and an avalanche of claims
pours in upon him.
Having established himself in the confidence of common men, it still
remains with our horsefaced hero to conquer the esteem of the bar. The
opportunity is not a day behind his collision with that violent one of
equine-alligator genesis. In good sooth, it is an offshoot thereof.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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