I feel much more able to relate to my fussy and neurotic parents. Their dark moods and bitterness don't plunge me into the dumps like they used to. Now, when I do get depressed, instead of just wanting to give up, I ask myself what it is that has depressed me, and often I can reason my way out of the negative state I'm in. I can cope with responsibilities much better now. I have fewer doubts now about my abilities. I feel more inner calm and can cope with daily problems more easily. I have learned that it doesn't pay for me to be a perfectionist about everything. I still admire my desire for perfection in some things that are really important to me, but I no longer fuss with doing a perfect job, for example, patching the trash can. {279} I've accepted myself as a homosexual, and am happy at work, and feel productive. I am less anxious in relationships with others now. Although I still feel negative judgment from my family, I no longer have suicidal thoughts. I realize that I should live in a way that is true to myself and that others may differ, but I'm OK myself. I sometimes will give myself a treat, something I never used to do. I will buy myself something that maybe is a little bit frivolous, but I think of this as my own therapy. I feel better about myself and deny myself less. I was almost a stoical nun before. Now I care more about myself. I used to think that spending money to have my hair done was silly and a waste of money. Now I think that if it makes me feel good about myself, and I want to treat myself to it, why not? I used to analyze everything to the point that I didn't enjoy much and was always asking myself, like the bumper-sticker, am I having fun yet? Now, I just let some things be. It doesn't pay for me to question everything all the time. Now, when I don't like a person, I just accept this. I don't feel guilty because I couldn't see their better side, and I don't feel hostile just because for me the person isn't more likable. WHAT MAKES PSYCHOTHERAPY SUCCESSFUL _It is not so much the teacher who teaches but the student who learns._ Whether or not the client gets value for fee paid to a psychotherapist depends largely on the client. Don Diespecker in _Does Psychotherapy Really Help People?_ Psychotherapy is much more like education than it is like medicine. In education, certain students--no more or less intelligent than others--will nevertheless be more successful. They have well-known characteristics: they are interested in what the experience of education can offer them, and they work hard and regularly.