MOTHER: We're going to dinner tonight at Esther and Gary's. Get out of those jeans; we have to leave in fifteen minutes. (P-C) SON: But Mom, I told you last Wednesday that Fred and I are going camping this weekend. We're leaving in Fred's car in just an hour. (A-A or C-P) MOTHER: I don't remember anything like that. Esther and Gary are _expecting_ us. You're always wrecking our plans! (C-P) MOTHER: Mmm, isn't this the most delicious soufflé you've ever tasted? (C-P) SON: That's it, compliment yourself! (C-P) MOTHER: Well, if I don't, no one else will! You don't know how lucky you are, having a mother who really knows how to cook. (C-P) SON: I sure hope I don't learn how to be modest from you! (C-P) The problems weren't hard for Dr. Goldstein to spot: Joyce had low self-esteem, was easily hurt, and, when she was, put her son down (the salty soup). She wanted to be indispensable to him and was unwilling to let him grow up (the sports jacket). She had little respect for Joe's plans, especially if they interfered with her desires (Joe's camping trip). She felt unappreciated and had grown to be resentful of her role as mother (the soufflé). Joe, on the other hand, was feeling the natural rebelliousness {138} of a seventeen-year-old. He needed some free rein, even if he made some mistakes. His mother was always "getting in his hair" or "getting under his skin." The sample transactions above led each of them to anger and hurt. Seldom did Dr. Goldstein see Joe and his mother communicate Adult-to-Adult. Instead, their transactions crossed and re-crossed, and resentments piled up. Joyce saw Dr. Goldstein without Joe present for several weeks. She learned from Dr. Goldstein that her expectations toward her son were inappropriate; she needed to strengthen her sense of self-worth outside of her family role. She was excessively dependent on her son for recognition and appreciation. Especially since her husband died, she was easily hurt when her desires for appreciation were not satisfied by Joe, so she put him down. What she needed to do was to strengthen her Adult and weaken the domination of her self-pitying Child and overcritical Parent ego states. Dr. Goldstein then met with Joe for several sessions. Joe began to see his mother in a different light. Dr. Goldstein made him aware of his mother's sadness in being left alone and of her needs to feel worthwhile. During the joint sessions that followed, Dr. Goldstein typically would ask them to recall recent conversations or exchanges that had been unpleasant. He would ask them to analyze these in TA terms and then would push mother and son to imagine more appropriate and less uptight ways of responding. After several months of joint therapy, their former pattern of transactions began to look very different: