From the first she did not waver from her decision. Her view was clear
and final. Her door had opened and let the world in. Her love for
Merriam was not lessened; but it now appeared a hopeless and
unrealizable thing. The visions of their future that had seemed so
blissful and complete had vanished. She tried to assure herself that
her renunciation was rather for his sake than for her own. Now that she
was cleared of her burden—at least, technically—would not his own weigh
too heavily upon him? If she should cling to him, would not the
difference forever silently mar and corrode their happiness? Thus she
reasoned; but there were a thousand little voices calling to her that
she could feel rather than hear, like the hum of distant, powerful
machinery—the little voices of the world, that, when raised in unison,
can send their insistent call through the thickest door.
Once while packing, a brief shadow of the lotus dream came back to her.
She held Merriam’s picture to her heart with one hand, while she threw
a pair of shoes into the trunk with her other.
At six o’clock Mateo returned and reported the sloop ready. He and his
brother lifted the trunk into the cart, covered it with straw and
conveyed it to the point of embarkation. From there they transferred it
on board in the sloop’s dory. Then Mateo returned for additional
orders.
Mrs. Conant was ready. She had settled all business matters with
Angela, and was impatiently waiting. She wore a long, loose black-silk
duster that she often walked about in when the evenings were chilly. On
her head was a small round hat, and over it the apricot-coloured lace
mantilla.
Dusk had quickly followed the short twilight. Mateo led her by dark and
grass-grown streets toward the point behind which the sloop was
anchored. On turning a corner they beheld the Hotel Orilla del Mar
three streets away, nebulously aglow with its array of kerosene lamps.
Mrs. Conant paused, with streaming eyes. “I must, I _must_ see him once
before I go,” she murmured in anguish. But even then she did not falter
in her decision. Quickly she invented a plan by which she might speak
to him, and yet make her departure without his knowing. She would walk
past the hotel, ask some one to call him out and talk a few moments on
some trivial excuse, leaving him expecting to see her at her home at
seven.
She unpinned her hat and gave it to Mateo. “Keep this, and wait here
till I come,” she ordered. Then she draped the mantilla over her head
as she usually did when walking after sunset, and went straight to the
Orilla del Mar.
She was glad to see the bulky, white-clad figure of Tio Pancho standing
alone on the gallery.
“Tio Pancho,” she said, with a charming smile, “may I trouble you to
ask Mr. Merriam to come out for just a few moments that I may speak
with him?”
Tio Pancho bowed as an elephant bows.
“Buenas tardes, Señora Conant,” he said, as a cavalier talks. And then
he went on, less at his ease:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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