White Heather: A Novel (Volume 3 of 3) — John Shaqi
White Heather: A Novel (Volume 3 of 3)Black, William
General
White Heather: A Novel (Volume 3 of 3)
Black, William
Scotland -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
And then it was—as he went up Renfield Street—that he caught his first
glimpse of Meenie. No wonder he turned and slunk rapidly away—anxious
to hide anywhere—hoping that Meenie had not seen him. And what a
strange thing was this—Meenie in Glasgow town! Oh, if he could only be
for a single day as once he had been—as she had known him in the happy
times when life went by like a laugh and a song—how wonderful it would
be to go along these thoroughfares hoping every moment to catch sight of
her face! A dull town?—no, a radiant town, with music in the air, and
joy and hope shining down from the skies! But now—he was a cowering
fugitive—sick in body and sick in mind—trembling with the excitement of
this sudden meeting—and anxious above all other things that he should
get back to the seclusion of his lodging unseen.
Well, he managed that, at all events; and there he sate down, wondering
over this thing that had just happened. Meenie in Glasgow town!—and why?
And why had she sent him the white heather? Nay, he could not doubt but
that she had heard; and that this was at once a message of reproach and
an appeal; and what answer had he to give supposing that some day or
other he should meet her face to face? How could he win back to his
former state, so that he should not be ashamed to meet those clear, kind
eyes? If there were but some penance now—no matter what suffering it
entailed—that would obliterate these last months and restore him to
himself, how gladly would he welcome that! But it was not only the
bodily sickness—he believed he could mend that; he had still a fine
physique; and surely absolute abstention from stimulants, no matter with
what accompanying depression, would in time give him back his health—it
was mental sickness and hopelessness and remorse that had to be cured;
and how was that to be attempted? Or why should he attempt it? What
care had he for the future? To be sure, he would stop drinking,
definitely; and he would withdraw himself from those wild companions;
and he would have a greater regard for his appearance; so that, if he
should by chance meet Meenie face to face, he would not have to be
altogether so ashamed. But after? When she had gone away again? For
of course he assumed that she was merely here on a visit.
And all this time he was becoming more and more conscious of how far he
had fallen—of the change that had come over himself and his
circumstances in these few months; and a curious fancy got into his head
that he would like to try to realise what he had been like in those
former days. He got out his blotting-pad of fragments—not those
dedicated to Meenie, that had been carefully put aside—and about the
very first of them that he chanced to light upon, when he looked down
the rough lines, made him exclaim—
’God bless me, was I like _that_—and no longer ago than last January?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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