White nights, and other storiesDostoyevsky, Fyodor
General
White nights, and other stories
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 1821-1881 -- Translations into English; Russian fiction -- Translations into English
farce, that's simply a sham, it's just laughing at you, and you are
taken in by it! Why, do you suppose he really loves you, that lover of
yours? I don't believe it. How can he love you when he knows you may be
called away from him any minute? He would be a low fellow if he did!
Will he have a grain of respect for you? What have you in common with
him? He laughs at you and robs you--that is all his love amounts to! You
are lucky if he does not beat you. Very likely he does beat you, too.
Ask him, if you have got one, whether he will marry you. He will laugh
in your face, if he doesn't spit in it or give you a blow--though maybe
he is not worth a bad halfpenny himself. And for what have you ruined
your life, if you come to think of it? For the coffee they give you to
drink and the plentiful meals? But with what object are they feeding you
up? An honest girl couldn't swallow the food, for she would know what
she was being fed for. You are in debt here, and, of course, you will
always be in debt, and you will go on in debt to the end, till the
visitors here begin to scorn you. And that will soon happen, don't rely
upon your youth--all that flies by express train here, you know. You
will be kicked out. And not simply kicked out; long before that she'll
begin nagging at you, scolding you, abusing you, as though you had not
sacrificed your health for her, had not thrown away your youth and your
soul for her benefit, but as though you had ruined her, beggared her,
robbed her. And don't expect any one to take your part: the others, your
companions, will attack you, too, to win her favour, for all are in
slavery here, and have lost all conscience and pity here long ago. They
have become utterly vile, and nothing on earth is viler, more loathsome,
and more insulting than their abuse. And you are laying down everything
here, unconditionally, youth and health and beauty and hope, and at
twenty-two you will look like a woman of five-and-thirty, and you will
be lucky if you are not diseased, pray to God for that! No doubt you are
thinking now that you have a gay time and no work to do! Yet there is no
work harder or more dreadful in the world or ever has been. One would
think that the heart alone would be worn out with tears. And you won't
dare to say a word, not half a word when they drive you away from here;
you will go away as though you were to blame. You will change to another
house, then to a third, then somewhere else, till you come down at last
to the Haymarket. There you will be beaten at every turn; that is good
manners there, the visitors don't know how to be friendly without
beating you. You don't believe that it is so hateful there? Go and look
for yourself some time, you can see with your own eyes. Once, one New
Year's Day, I saw a woman at a door. They had turned her out as a joke,
to give her a taste of the frost because she had been crying so much,
and they shut the door behind her. At nine o'clock in the morning she
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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